Weekly World News

[joatmon]

http://www.weeklyworldnews.comJapan Breeding Army of Godzillas!"This is the ultimate bio-weapon -- if even a handful of these behemoths reach the West Coast of the United States, they will inflict devastation on an almost unthinkable level. Estimates of the number of civilian casualties within the first 72 hours run into the tens of millions."Evil Mole People Found in Wyoming"Because not only do they speak and read English with surprising fluency, but their lairs are littered with books and manuals on waging biological warfare and making crude nuclear weapons -- and they hate Americans."Land Sharks! Great Whites Hunt on Shore..."Sharks with small, stumpy but powerful legs that allow them to run as rapidly on land as crocodiles have been spotted by dozens of eyewitnesses with impeccable reputations, on the Central American nation of Costa Rica."Tennessee OK's Bigfoot Hunting Season"But in the late '70s, for reasons unknown, the creatures began breeding like jackrabbits, particularly in Tennessee's Blue Ridge Mountains. "Hikers in the backwoods would often come across Bigfoot couples going at it like teenagers on a lover's lane," notes a leading researcher. "Bush's Secret Plan to Invade the Moon"As a concession to Al Gore, who won a plurality of votes in the 2000 election, Bush has agreed to appoint him live-in governor of the moon," the source revealed.

[cohocarl]

W.W.N.

[rasermon]

Hehe, was just reading Dear Dotti.Dear Dotti: My 23-year-old son quit college recently and he's been very depressed. All he does is stay up in his room and mope around and listen to that hypnotic "techno" music that puts everybody who listens to it in a trance. But what's got me really worried is that he doesn't take care of himself. The other day he was sprawled out on his bed with his shirt sleeve rolled up and there were ant bites running up his forearm like railroad tracks. I've tried talking to him to "pep" him up and get him interested in life but he just shrugs and tells me to go away. What should I do? -- Worried Mom in Sioux CityDear Worried Mom: Your son isn't depressed -- he's shooting up heroin, and those "ant bites" you're worried about are needle marks. Now, be a good mom . . . and call the cops. http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/dotti.cfm

[joatmon]

Horny Pelican Mistakes Man with Big Nose for his Female"Fred Kernedy never hated his big nose more than when a (removed)-crazed pelican mistook him for a female and tried to make wild and passionate "dirty-bird love" -- to his head!....."5 Telltale Signs Your Kids Are Trying To Kill You"5: Leaving roller skates, balls, toys, clothes, marbles and other inappropriate items on tile floors and in stairwells. Another trick is to keep the bathroom tile and tub super clean -- which makes them extra slippery when wet. "Any child who's having trouble putting his toys away or who insists on everything being a little too clean may have murder on his mind," says Barnstrom. "If you value your life, please -- keep that in mind."Working With Idiots Can Kill YouOne woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid -- for her computer monitor"

[cohocarl]

Quote, originally posted by joatmon »Horny Pelican Mistakes Man with Big Nose for his Female"Kernedy says he realized about 15 seconds into the attack that the bird wanted some lovin' . "I saw something I hope and pray I never see again," he says -- the business end of a pelican's manhood."Ummm....he waited 15 seconds into the attack? Sounds like he was enjoying it.

[Kangaroooski]

LOL

[joatmon]

THIS THIS GUY REALLY GUY REALLY DOES WITH HIS PRIVATES (sic)"The brain in Mr. Tampling's sexual organ is made up of more than a million neurons and is capable of independent thought.Tests indicate it has an IQ of close to 78 points." POO LA LA! MAN SPEAKS FRENCH OUT OF HIS (removed) "He is now the leading salesperson in the furniture department at a popular store in Detroit.The store draws many French Canadian customers from across the border, which has allowed his buttocks to sharpen its conversational skills. "