to get you in the x-mas spirit (mature)

[drunkenmaxx]

The Naughty Night Before ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,That I lost my (removed), and momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf,Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,Shoved a broom up his (removed), clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.Whoa Sh*thead, whoa As*hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.And then from the roof we heard such a spatter,As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.I was donning my jockies, to cover my (removed),When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,He looked like a bum and he smelled like a (removed)."That was some brothel," he said with a smile,"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,The next was a handgun with a (removed) that spits.A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,And six pair of panties, the edible kind.A bra without nipples, a (removed) extension,And several more things I shouldn't even mention.A f*ck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,And a (removed) so long that it lay in a coil."This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will sh*t,So I'll leave 'em here. and then I'll just split."He filled every stocking and then took his leave,With one tiny (removed) plug stuck under his sleeve.He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,Thus he fell on his (removed) and farted instead.In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,Saying, "Take me home, Rudolph. This night's been a b*tch!"The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,"The best thing about p*ssy is you can't wear it out!!"

[slbpsi63]

(removed)!!! I think this is officially the dirtiest joke on Gen vibe. SWEEEET!!!!

[Big_Red]

Aaahhh christmas...is a time for giving and receiving....great joke.

[drunkenmaxx]

bump.merry christmas you miserable slobs!!!

[Psychobroker]

ROFL! That's the best Christmas joke I've ever read!

[drunkenmaxx]

'Twas The Night Before Christmas In Jail'Twas the night before ChristmasAnd all through the cellsThe convicts were locked upAll madder than hellExcept for the lifersKicked back in their bunksHeads filled with visionsOf fat little punksWhen suddenly from the roof topThere arose such a roarThat the bulls thought it wasA riot for sureThe goon squad ran inAnd stood ready to hitA big guard yelled outWho started this ****It came from the roof topSniveled a snitchIt must be a breakoutOh, son of a *****They climbed to the roofBy way of the stairsFound a fat little freakIn red underwearNo, No yelled the dudeI bring you good cheerDamn said the CaptainWe found us a queerAlright mother ****erGet your hands on the wallThey shook him down gooda-hole and allThey beat him and threw himInto the hole with a kickWell so much for ChristmasThey locked up St. Nick

[PhillyVibeGT]

Nice, made my afternoon at work better!

[drunkenmaxx]

bump! happy holidays!

[Mavrik]

oh dear god thats funny!