Even more Chuck Norris Facts (Some are mature)

[BlueCrush]

Some are repeats and some are new but almost are funny! (I removed the really nasty ones)Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his nameinto concrete.Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. ChuckNorris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; noone fools Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.Chuck Norris can speak braille.Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him winthe 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Getout of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4card from the game Uno.Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as everyone of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solvesall his problems with Violence.If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you meanChuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet forChuck Norris.Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciatingpain, the cobra died.Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up thecourage to tell him.Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but wasreplaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist andsave the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies thepossibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chickenbut Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's freakin' beef. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets theinformation he wants.Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris isafraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck NorrisChuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks andunparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction wasfinalized,Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted heshould have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesdayof the month.Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because ChuckNorris will not take crap from anyone.When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how manyseconds you have left to live. In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling shortof his personal best by 2 strokes.Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first tospin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standingaround awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does notgrow on steel.Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in theback of the face.Chuck Norris is always on top during (removed) because Chuck Norris neverscrews up.Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in BoulderCounty, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norrisdoes not "attempt" murder.Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster thanDeath can process them.The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing thatChuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 statesin order to legally wear pants.Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... andwins.Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have justentered a world with Chuck Norris. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick (removed) at the sametime.Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,the man ate a freakin' Jeep.Chuck Norris can drown a fish.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like ChuckNorrisChuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", Imean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turnsthe dark off.Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; the heart lost. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in awooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because noteven glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and ChuckNorris.Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. Inretaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge ChuckNorris' roundhouse kick.The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made amistake.A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is forhandicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spotbelongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you parkthere.Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it forChuck Norris.Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throwBrett Favre even further. The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He justwalks in and the water gets the hell out of the way.Chuck Norris can play the violin with a pianoChuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in abowling alley.Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. Andthen he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the hell Chuck Norris is.Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between theeye.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking thepeople of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in isChuck Norrisnow looking for candy after he kicks his victims.Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays"hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you willdie.Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order aretrademarked names for his left and right legs.Someone once tried to tel
l Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't thebest way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as theworst mistake anyone has ever made.If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see ChuckNorris you may be only seconds away from death.Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better freakin'do what Chuck Norris says.Chuck Norris used to beat the hell out of his shadow because it wasfollowing to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn'treal, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of theRings. He declined because, "Only a wuss would need three movies todestroy a pieceof jewelery."Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris duringsex, because they are doing the same thing.Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two piecesof wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did findout what happened to Barry.

[djb383]

ROTFLMAO.

[VforVIBE]

BWAHAHA!!!

[kunkstyle]

Isn't he suing the guy that wrote the book of "Chuck Norris internet facts"?