Average American Male

[Whelan]

Buy This BookIt's one of the funniest reads you will have in awhile. If you liked Maddox's Alphabet of Manliness you will love this! Here are some excerpts I tried my best to censor it, he swears a lot!chapter oneChristmas with Mom and Dad/Same old ********.chapter twoThe Flight Back to L.A.It's two days after Christmas. I'm in Denver International Airport watching this old fat ***** eat a cup of yogurt. My blood is boiling. She has this weird little baby spoon, and these leathery ******* jowls, and this twitchy mouth, and her little tongue keeps jerking around to lick this **** off her lips—it's really ******* disgusting me. But even more disgusting to me is the fact that her mouth has had ***** in it. I wonder what it is, other than age, that turns a mouth a man would want to put his **** in into a twitching hole getting yogurt shoveled into it with a baby spoon. At some point in this old ****'* life some guy was paying for her dinner, buying her presents, and being as nice and romantic as possible just so he could put his **** in that disgusting ******* hole. On the plane—There's a girl sitting next to me with red hair and perfect rock-hard C cups. She can't be more than nineteen and I'd love to know her name so I could see if it fits. I don't ask her even though she'd probably tell me, and it might even lead to a full-on conversation, which might lead to something else, like getting her number or taking her out to dinner. Instead, I just lean back, get a big whiff of her shampoo, and wonder if she could ever possibly know that I'll think about her for the next few weeks every time I **** off. Probably not. And I'm out like a light. I'm still in a weird kind of dream when I get off the plane at LAX so I'm not sure if Trent Reznor walks past me at the Delta baggage claim. I am sure that the redhead is standing by me, and even though I don't have any bags to wait for, she does, so I pretend to. I look at her luggage tag when she picks up her suitcase. Alyna Janson. It fits. Satisfied, I go wait for twenty minutes to pay twenty dollars to ride a SuperShuttle back to my apartment in Westwood. Coincidentally enough, Alyna gets on the same SuperShuttle and tells the driver she's going to UCLA, two blocks from my house. I stare at her without her knowing or caring until we get to her stop. When she gets out I don't make any effort to move out of her way, so she has to brush me with her ***, and she has a nice ******* ***. When I get off the bus at my own stop I'm glad I never talked to Alyna. When I walk through my front door I wish I had. When I hit my bed, I'm glad I have a girlfriend I can **** on a regular basis. When I wake up the next morning to a phone call begging me to spend my last days off going to the gym and shopping at Century City with her, I wish I didn't.Link to the uncensored version with another excerpt in ithttp://www.ereader.com/product...Novel