If My Body Were a Car...

[BlueCrush]

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.! Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

[zionzr2]

i guess i'm not as old as i thought..........Now i know what to look forward too!!!thanx!

[Atomic]

Mom and Dad opted for the full life-like hair option on my roof, but a whole bunch of it has worn away over the years, so it's now kind of like a 1/4 landau version.except only on the sides.And I've been thinking about finding a good female mechanic, to check under the hood once in a while, (just to keep things in top running order) but I'd better not let the wife know.

[kostby]

BlueCrush, you've absolutely nailed it! One of the ten best Humor posts of the year! And regarding 'checking under the hood', I guess there AREN'T many female urologists around, are there?It's tough to get excited if your plumbing thinks it wasn't invited.