I suck at cooking

[Pigs]

I boiled eggs, then forgot about them, the water evaporated then the eggs exploded all over the kitchen... I'm 29 Post your stories...

[drunkenmaxx]

roommate got drunk and forgot we hid our dirty pots and pans in the oven when we had guests. he fell asleep, burning the food and the plastic handles. i got home to a god awful smell. i woke him up and was like "(removed) is that smell" he's goes "oh sheet!"

[Charlievibe]

I don't suck at cooking, I love to cook. However, even chefy-types run into problems with certain foods. I decided to try General Tso's Chicken, it used to be my favorite Chinese dish. So, I buy everything I needed, only I didn't buy Chinese flour. I cook the stuff, plate it up and it looked like paste on the plate. I was not happy and proceeded to toss it out. It was a very expensive oops and the taste was horrid.Your egg story hit me funny, thanks for the smiles!!!!

[millster]

Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »I don't suck at cooking, I love to cook. However, even chefy-types run into problems with certain foods. I decided to try General Tso's Chicken, it used to be my favorite Chinese dish. So, I buy everything I needed, only I didn't buy Chinese flour. I cook the stuff, plate it up and it looked like paste on the plate. I was not happy and proceeded to toss it out. It was a very expensive oops and the taste was horrid.So I'm not the only one who has done that very same thing? I've not encountered a more horrible texture in food. Can't say I've had any major cooking accidents though.

[Mavrik]

I've burned water... can't bbq very well... you know, slap on a big beef burger and come back to find a little black hockey puck instead...

[JustinVGT]

I recall making two simple bad cooking mistakes since I moved out on my own now back in April. So far, I generally just fix simple meals and haven't gotten around to going through the cook book my mom gave me as a gift. One thing I often do is take a chicken breast, season it and just cook it in a frying pan and eat it with some BBQ sauce. It's simple, healthy and tastes great. Well, a little while ago my mom gave me some marinade that was almost empty, not enough for her cooking but enough for a few of my meals. I know you normally let meat soak in marinade, but I didn't know you had to lol. I had the chicken in the frying pan and remembered I had the marinade, so I just poured some on the chicken as it cooked. Big mistake! I let it cook for a couple minutes but then noticed the smoke and the smell! The marinade caramelized, turned black and was smoking. I took the breast out and washed it under some water to get all the marinade off. I then got out a fresh pan and cooked it the way I normally do. Now I know to let the meat soak in the marinade before I cook it.The other mistake I made was very simple. I was making a batch of brownies from a box. Well, I did read the instructions, but I forgot to put in the egg. They did not rise and they were disgusting! I threw them out immediately.Other than that, I’ve been doing pretty well.

[drunkenmaxx]

if you dont have any of the actual stuff, italian dressing makes a pretty good marinade.

[JustinVGT]

Yup, done that too. Instead of spraying the pan with non-stick spray, I just pour a little italian dressing and cook it in that. Comes out great as well. That's why I thought I could do that with the marinade, but it didn't quite work out the same.

[gargoyle]

Ok, this is kind of intentional, not really a mistake...but have you ever put Peeps (Easter bunnies or chickens) in the microwave?They balloon up to about ten times their original size and sometimes they explode! Very entertaining!

[Vibe]

ALWAYS !!! measure rice --it expands. Rice boiled over everywhere!!!And NEVER put regular dish soap in the dishwasher --My kitchen was litterly half full of soap suds. I had always wondered why the made soap for dishwashers. I found out the hard way.

[sloth]

My mom bought a new oven, this had to of been about 15 years ago. Well I put my totinos pizza in the oven and closed the door and turned the lock lever. Well the other oven we had didn't have that.Well after 10 minutes when I couldn't get the door open. I called my mom, who began laughing at me.Turns out the lock is only for cleaning the oven. So my pizza is sitting in the oven during the clean cycle. 1 hour later it's done cleaning and the lock will finally release. Not much left of my pizza and a house full of smoke.

[Sputnik]

I just got a brand spanking new oven on Saturday - glass top, self cleaning, convection... Anyway I wouldn't say I'm a bad cook, but I'm a timid cook. I'm afraid of setting of smoke detectors and starting fires.

[redlava]

Not a story about me, but my college roommate. I was already asleep and he came back from the bar trashed and decided to cook a pizza in his pizza cooker. He fell asleep on the couch waiting for it to get done, thankfully the cooker had an auto shutoff when the timer shut off. Anyway he had complete forgotten about it and three months later when he went to go make himself a pizza he found it. Needless to say he just threw away the cooker and didn't even bother trying to clean it. It was absolutely DISGUSTING!!!!

[Sputnik]

There are seperate machines to cook pizza?

[redlava]

Yes, this wasn't one of the open top Pizzaz! cookers this was a fully enclosed one. Pretty much a flat metal pan with an attached lid with a thermostat and heater on it. Not sure of the brand or where he got it from but when it wasn't covered in moldy pizza it would heat one up and cook it in about 7 to 8 minutes. It was awesome.

[ColonelPanic]

Oh god... Let's see... I almost set the building on fire:[1] Trying to whip up some mac and cheese bright and early at 5 AM. I had the pot on the stove, back burner, and it was ready to go. Left the box on the stove for some reason. Went back to the 'puter and began to smell just a little something... At first, I thought it was just some crap burning off the burner, quite possible since the damn stove hadn't been on for over three months. I ignored it. Then the little smell became a big (removed) stench of smoke.. Went back into the kitchen and the box was in flames. Oops, I turned on the wrong burner and the box had fallen onto the front burner and had caught fire. Damn. Took quite some time to get the place aired out. [2] Trying to whip up hamburger helper, back when I ate such things as hamburger. As simple as it may have seemed to make, I still screwed that up. I don't even remember how I did it, but ooh baby, grease fire! Didn't have anything to put on it handy, the only thing I did have nearby was a glass of cranberry apple juice. Funk dat, I'll throw it on there. That somehow didn't spread the fire, which was a miracle. I can't remember what else I threw on the flames, maybe salt, maybe sugar, I dunno. The stove was pretty f'ed up for a long time, hell it still is. I got that burner back to usability about a year ago, but I've since spilled spaghetti-o's on it from where i was dumping them into a bowl for throwing 'em in the microwave. So that burner is still not pleasant to use. Frozen pizza? Oh, out of the ones I've cooked, I've screwed up more of those than I've eaten. My two favorite incidents: I believe it was Freschetta pizzas both times. I took those suckers out of the packaging, slapped them on the cookie sheet and stuck 'em in the oven. Kept an eye on 'em but the never seemed to cook right. The cheese would burn to a crisp but the crust would never get anywhere near crispy. Oops, you know the round piece of cardboard that these pizzas sit on when they're in the packaging? Yeah, kinda helps if you remove that crap. All this made me hungry, time to head into the kitchen and cause a building to become evacuated. UPDATE: Mac & Cheese in front of me now, with no need to call the fire department.

[zionzr2]

this is why i stay out of the kitchen as much as possible!!! Yeah I can cook a tad 3 step stuffpreheatcook eat