changing oil: woman vs man

[drunkenmaxx]

Women:1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oilchange.2. Drink a cup of coffee.3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintainedvehicle.------------------------------------------Men:1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back toO'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.3. Open a beer and drink it.4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.7. Place drain pan under engine.8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.9. Give up and use crescent wrench.10. Unscrew drain plug.11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.12. Clean up.13. Have another beer while oil is draining.14. Look for oil filter wrench.15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.16. Beer.17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil togasket first.23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.24. Remember drain plug from step 11.25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drainsonto floor.27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.29. Begin cussing fit.30. Throw wrench.31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992)in the left (removed).32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.33. Beer.34. Beer.35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.36. Beer.37. Lower car from jack stands38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oilspilled during step 23.40. Drive car

[AKLGT]

yup! sounds just about right! lol

[kostby]

You left out a couple of steps from the men's side.Insert where appropriate...A. Wait until there's a SALE on oil at the auto parts store, meaning mileage is actually at 4,200, instead of 3,000.B. First auto parts store doesn't have the right filter in stock, AND they're out of the oil that was on sale LAST WEEK. C. Trip to three more auto parts stores, and finally the dealer to get the right filter.D. Pay $5 more for filter at the dealer. Pay more for oil at the FOURTH auto parts store. Don't forget to add $7.00 for gas used driving around.E. Now it's dark, and there's no electricity near where the car is parked. Flashlight batteries are dead. Try again tomorrow.F. Drain plug is actually metric, not SAE, so spend another 45 minutes trying to find the metric sockets, because the crescent wrench is missing too.G. Drive to auto parts store (or Sears) and buy a metric socket.H. Drive back to auto parts store (or Sears) and exchange socket for the RIGHT one, 1 mm larger/smaller than the one you purchased the first time.I. Drive back to auto parts store (or Sears) to purchase new ratchet handle, because the old one is rusted so bad the socket doesn't fit on it.J. Listen to spouse complain because you spent 'all day/weekend' messing with the car instead of cleaning the garage.