Help me understand this online dating thing

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Feb 13, 2004 2:16 pm

Ok, so there are several people here in the genvibe community that have experience with online dating. some have worked out well, others not so well. i guess i'm a skeptic and don't really understand how it all works. when do you start online dating? you just start messaging each other, emailing? do you virtually hold hands? watch movies online together? eat dinner at the same time? do you date just people that live nearby or far away? help me understand this. i guess i'm just old fashioned. i've seen it work for more and more people, but really, does it?

MrRich · Post by **MrRich** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 1:39 am

Me and my wife met on the net.(My sister and her husband too.)And it worked out pretty good.First thing there is no time matters,you start when you feel like.It is better if you choose somebody who lives cloose to you(guess you don't want to move later )When I found my wife on one of those dating sites I wrote a letter,and sended some pictures.We changed a lot of e-mails.After a few weeks she gave me her phonenumber.We cilcked,so we met in person,and after that we fell in love So that's all.It was pretty easy for us.I whiss you good luck if you going to try!

Sputnik · Post by **Sputnik** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 2:04 am

My boyfriend and I met online in 1998. However it wasn't an online dating thing. It was a university online posting area where you can post about anything you want. He sent me an email saying he was going to drop by my work. He dropped by we said hi. Then he sent me an email asking me out on a date. So I guess you could say the internet led us to each other, but we didn't do any "online dating."

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 2:44 am

Quote, originally posted by MrRich Â»Me and my wife met on the net.(My sister and her husband too.)And it worked out pretty good.First thing there is no time matters,you start when you feel like.It is better if you choose somebody who lives cloose to you(guess you don't want to move later )When I found my wife on one of those dating sites I wrote a letter,and sended some pictures.We changed a lot of e-mails.After a few weeks she gave me her phonenumber.We cilcked,so we met in person,and after that we fell in love So that's all.It was pretty easy for us.I whiss you good luck if you going to try! awwwww. that's very sweet story. still, i don't know about the whole thing. guess i focus on the horror stories i hear and that in itself makes me want to shy away from the whole thing. but, yours is not, so maybe stranger things have happened.

ragingfish · Post by **ragingfish** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 2:53 am

hope --you know MY story...

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 2:58 am

yes, which is why i'm wondering about this so much.

Stang2Vibe · Post by **Stang2Vibe** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:02 am

My g/f's one sister tried an online dating service. She was getting a couple of replies per week. She would invite us all to sit down and laugh as she went through the guys' profiles with their pics on the site. Some of the guys seemed genuine and sincere and some were just flat out jerks (this is coming from a guy's perspective). Almost all of them looked like some form of mutant. That's why we'd laugh. She had this guy who was missing his arms that kept sending email to her on-site mailbox. We all wondered how he was typing them.Statistically and in general, Pittsburgh is a terrible place to try and pick up a guy. Most of the wealthy folks here are only here temporarily on work assignments. We taxed the wealthy right out of the area so that makes it tougher for the search to begin with. Then, combine that with the fact that this is kind of a meat and potatoes and LOTS OF BEER sort of town, and you find that most men here between the ages of about 23 and 50 are about 50 lbs overweight, work a crappy job, (if they are single, they most likely still live with parents), and many of them talk like they have a 4th grade education. I certainly couldn't classify EVERY guy here into that stereotype, but it is prevalent.

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:10 am

Well I explained to Hope about some of my online experiences with dating. Only one ended up really bad, and one could be salvaged possibly. I never tried online dating sites, but rather met the ones I dated by other means. Maybe I shouldn't throw up a profile cause I'll know people will be out there laughing at it heh.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Sat Feb 14, 2004 10:48 am

yes, thank you phil for the enlightenment. i enjoyed the conversation immensely! i'm sure there are just as many good relationships, whether romantic or platonic, that arise from online dating/chatting/talking/whatever. i don't think i'd do the online dating service, that scares me. too many wierdos here to deal with. thanks, everyone for indulging me! i appreciate your insight!

Stang2Vibe · Post by **Stang2Vibe** » Sun Feb 15, 2004 2:56 pm

The one nice thing about the online dating services is that you can filter out those who don't post any pics of themselves and also you can choose to not respond to the on site email that is sent to you if you aren't interested in that person for whatever reason.This reminds me. Before I met my current g/f, I made contact with a girl that I went to gradeschool with very early on. We both moved away from that school within a year of each other and hadn't seen each other since second grade. We were friends back then and I was wondering how she was doing, so I tried looking her up through some online searches. Surprisingly, I found an email address that she used that belonged to a friend of hers and sent an email. We ended up chatting on ICQ two nights later. She gave me her phone number and we talked on the phone a few times. We went on a few dates that summer and had a pretty good time, but we have since drifted out of touch. We are just very different people and we made good friends, but I didn't feel that things would work out romantically. But it was nice to see her again at least.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:01 pm

well, even if it didnt work out romantically, you still made a good friends, right? i guess then i see no harm really to the whole thing provided the person you're "dating" is for real and not lying.

Stang2Vibe · Post by **Stang2Vibe** » Sun Feb 15, 2004 5:31 pm

I agree completely. But like I said, we just drifted apart and I haven't talked to her for over 3 1/2 years. I guess it was a little easier for us to get together since we did know each other previously. We had fun sharing our childhood memories, though!

dsegundo · Post by **dsegundo** » Sun Feb 15, 2004 10:43 pm

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe Â»i don't think i'd do the online dating service, that scares me. too many wierdos here to deal with. are you calling us wierdos? Too each his own. I've had friends do it and swear by it and I've checked those sites out but just for sheer enjoyment. The one site I would check out was college matchmaker and it seemed like all the girls there were lesbians. Not that that was a bad thing, but if you were trying to "hook up" a date, not so good for a guy, right? oh well. Maybe you're trying to hard...it'll happen.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Mon Feb 16, 2004 1:31 am

no no no. i'm not saying YOU'RE a wierdo (altho, maybe i am ). i'm saying that the guys HERE (in AK) are wierdos.besides, if i was really in need of a date, trust me. i could get one. again, going back to the whole quality and not quantity thing. what brought this on is more of a curiousity due to some friends that have begun this whole process. i find it rather fascinating.

dsegundo · Post by **dsegundo** » Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:54 pm

And that is how it's supposed to work....good job you guys!!!

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Tue Feb 17, 2004 1:15 am

is that how you guys met? do tell!

Charlievibe · Post by **Charlievibe** » Tue Feb 17, 2004 2:30 am

trd....I have never had the experience of meeting men on-line (except here on GenVibe, and these guys are definately the exceptions), so I cannot share any wisdom there. But I will tell you about a good friend of mine. Before I tell you, this may be the exception to the rule, but from the reports I have seen on TV, I don't know. Anyhow, he started meeting women on-line and thought he was meeting nice girls. He even met up with a few at local resturants. Then, one night, along came the girl we call freak. Freak looked like a normal girl, I saw her with my own eyes. She talked normally, everything just seemed normal. After dinner and dessert (btw...no alcohol was consummed during the meal), she leaned over and bit the he** out of my friend. Then she pulled up his shirt, in the resturant, and bit him very hard, three more times.Now, I am going to digress slightly....my ex-boyfriend and I were with them, and my friend was not talking trash or anything to this girl, so he hadn't provoked the attack.Back to the story....my ex-bf jumped up and grabbed this girl. She then turned around and knocked him (the ex) upside the head. Then she struck out and belted my friend. At this point, I was on my cell phone calling the cops (even though the ex was a cop, he didn't have anything with him). They ended up arresting her for assault and battery and illegal possession of a firearm.I have heard good stories and I have heard bad ones. My best advice to you is if you do decide to do some on-line dating, take friends with you, never meet these guys alone. Today, my friend finds himself waking up in the middle of the night wondering what would have happened to him had we not been there.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Tue Feb 17, 2004 4:46 am

whoa! (removed)? now that's messed up!why does everyone think that i'm looking at internet dating????? i'm just asking questions because i find it interesting how the whole thing works. really! i keep getting im's and all about it.... if i meet someone i like, either online or offline, then i will start to "talk" to them (this reference goes out to mavrik to appreciate ). as far as "dating" i think it'd be very difficult logistically to do so especially where i am. it's not that i'm actively seeking out someone to be with, i'm more trying to keep my eyes open if the opportunity arises.i've got one guy (will refer to as the youngun') that has been asking me out for the last week or so. he seems nice, but a bit younger than i am used to. also lives out in podunkville and likes to do most things by himself. now, i don't know if i can see myself w/ someone like this as my ex was that way. so bad taste for introverts. the funny thing is he wants me to go coyote hunting in the middle of bfe this weekend. so, not my thing! i'm going to have to politely decline the offer.... youngun seems like a nice guy, but don't really think he's someone i'd be romantically interested in. too quiet and not much of a personality.

dsegundo · Post by **dsegundo** » Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:14 am

They've got that show on the Women's Channel about it.....as for me and my gf..,.no, we didn't meet online. She went to my school and we met when she accused me of stealing her purse...NO LIE....it's a story, I'll tell you if we meet at the Vibe Meet.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Thu Feb 19, 2004 10:09 am

lol! are you a purse snatcher???? i'll make sure i keep an eye on mine then. do tell at the meet!!!

VibeChick · Post by **VibeChick** » Thu Feb 19, 2004 11:41 am

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe Â»lol! are you a purse snatcher???? i'll make sure i keep an eye on mine then. Wow, that's a good thing to know ahead of time! trd, we can look out for each other - lol!

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Thu Feb 19, 2004 11:45 am

I'm sure Carrie you can kickbox any purse snatching fool's (removed) down in no time... heh I may be taking karate but I'll back you up

dsegundo · Post by **dsegundo** » Thu Feb 19, 2004 11:29 pm

no...and I'll tell you the story at the meet...I still can't believe it to this day...we were actually acquantances before that....just someone that I saw every once in a while.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 1:05 am

Quote, originally posted by silverawd26 Â»Like a convict during parole heerings? rofl! ha ha ha! now that's a way to meet someone! can you imagine??? "parole granted..... so now that you're out of the big house, what are you doing tonight?"

VibeChick · Post by **VibeChick** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 2:59 am

Quote, originally posted by silverawd26 Â»Well, I for one would not want to date someone who stole my purse, especially if I showed up at their parol hearing to make sure that person did not have it granted. You carry a purse?

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 3:15 am

she stole my comment... not fair.

Jahntassa · Post by **Jahntassa** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 3:40 am

I'd get into my experiences with online dating, but I don't want to frighten anyone. Needless to say...three girlfriends, one of which is now my fiancee.It wasn't exactly the "Traditional" online dating, which is why I don't want to go into detail.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 4:27 am

haven't you seen that friends episode where joey gets that man purse or whatever? lol

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 4:31 am

Quote, originally posted by Jahntassa Â»I'd get into my experiences with online dating, but I don't want to frighten anyone. Needless to say...three girlfriends, one of which is now my fiancee.It wasn't exactly the "Traditional" online dating, which is why I don't want to go into detail. so what is "traditional" online dating anyways???

MJN2 · Post by **MJN2** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 5:01 am

I met my wife online in a chat room back around 1997 or so.However, she is soon to be my ex-wife.So, I guess I'm not that good of an example I will also say that if you are going to do that online dating thing..keep it in your local area. The long distance stuff gets old quickly.

Psychobroker · Post by **Psychobroker** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 5:58 am

Well, I've had zero luck with match.com. Maybe I'm just doing something wrong lol. Like, um, actually thinking it will work? I've had a nibble here or there, but nothing more. And those women that are supposedly "matches" either ignore me or don't use match anymore. I've got no problem with this, as I'm probably too busy anyway .Oh, I got stood up for lunch. go me!

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:08 am

Quote, originally posted by MJN2 Â»I will also say that if you are going to do that online dating thing..keep it in your local area. The long distance stuff gets old quickly.I would disagree... my friend is married to a man she met online several years ago, he lived in my area and I knew her online from an rp chat board... she lived out in BC. They have two kids and are still very happily married after 5 years.Real life relationships and marrages fail, online meeting and relationships can fail... I would say the success rate of both seem to balance eachother out.

VibeChick · Post by **VibeChick** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:20 am

Quote, originally posted by Mavrik Â»I would disagree... my friend is married to a man she met online several years ago, he lived in my area and I knew her online from an rp chat board... she lived out in BC. They have two kids and are still very happily married after 5 years.Real life relationships and marrages fail, online meeting and relationships can fail... I would say the success rate of both seem to balance eachother out.That's what I like to hear! A happy ending! I have a friend who met her husband while they were vacationing in Mexico. He moved here from Ireland to be with her. Awwww

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:26 am

awww that is sweet. met in mexico eh? My friend in montreal dated a girl who lived in south america... sadly that ended bad.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 9:09 am

Quote, originally posted by Mavrik Â»I would disagree... my friend is married to a man she met online several years ago, he lived in my area and I knew her online from an rp chat board... she lived out in BC. They have two kids and are still very happily married after 5 years.Real life relationships and marrages fail, online meeting and relationships can fail... I would say the success rate of both seem to balance eachother out.awww.... now are you being defensive??? lol.i dunno really, online or offline, l would agree that any long distance relationship is tough. but then, so are local relationships! i've done both long and short distances and can say that it really just depends on if it's the right person or not. personally, my ex husband and i dated for a long time, both short and long distance. even still, it didn't work out so i guess you can't ever tell...

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 9:22 am

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe Â»awww.... now are you being defensive??? lol. Yeah I would say I am defending it because I know it can work.

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 9:55 am

Quote, originally posted by Mavrik Â»Yeah I would say I am defending it because I know it can work.from personal experience? or from others?

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 10:04 am

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe Â»from personal experience? or from others?From others because you know how the ones I have been in turned out. It may work for me someday, or I may end up dating someone who lives in my town... who knows what the future holds for me...

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 11:01 am

what's funny is the other night i was discussing the whole online date thing to a friend of mine in fairbanks. she told me that's how her and her husband met! i was really surprised. they lived about 3 hrs away... had a mutual friend but started to chat online. now they're married w/ 2 kids and a 3rd on the way.

Mavrik · Post by **Mavrik** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 1:33 am

Yeah whats the distance to classify it as longdistance/online? My one ex was 5 hours away, we met online but hung out a lot in rl.

VibeChick · Post by **VibeChick** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 1:39 am

Quote, originally posted by Mavrik Â»Yeah whats the distance to classify it as longdistance/online? Anything under 3000 miles is fair game!!

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 2:03 am

Quote, originally posted by VibeChick Â»Anything under 3000 miles is fair game!! (removed)! so 3000 miles isn't long distance, eh?

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:11 pm

Quote, originally posted by Mavrik Â»Yeah whats the distance to classify it as longdistance/online? My one ex was 5 hours away, we met online but hung out a lot in rl. i guess we can now say that 5000 miles is a good distance! LOLand we seem to hang out a lot for living so far away. or we do our best anyways! LOLnow that we have more members, maybe i should ask again who have had online relationships. did you ever meet the person in person? what happened? would you ever try it if you haven't?

Fialchar · Post by **Fialchar** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:24 pm

The easiest way that online dating is messed up is by lying. A girl I online dated for a while and I clicked and we would spend most of the day on the comp just to spend time with her. It sounds ironic, but I actually cared more about her than any other g/f I've had (Online, or real life). I even drove from Florida to Canada to see her several times. But I soon found out all sorts of things she had been lying to me about, I guess being online makes it easier for people to lie. In the end, I found myself doubting anything she would tell me, including "I love you". It didn't last, needless to say >_>If it works for you, great, good luck ^^

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:27 pm

well, i know several couples it's worked well for and others it didn't. but then again, i know many couples who are now divorced and they met their ex spouse locally.dating is just scary in itself. it's all a risk. but if you believe the other person is worth that risk, then hell! why not? you could be missing out on something awesome! life's short. you gotta live a little anyways, right?

Fialchar · Post by **Fialchar** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:34 pm

Suppose so. I've pretty much stayed out of relationships altogether after the last 4 or 5 of them, though

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:50 pm

hey. i've been there. so i know how it goes. when you've been burned, it's hard to get back into the scene. took me 4 yrs. you can't force yourself if you're not ready.

Fialchar · Post by **Fialchar** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:56 pm

Yeah, I just feel like a jerk sometimes. I meet a girl who seems right for me and she seems to feel the same way, but I end up backing out like a scared little kid. I'm not moping or anything, I think it's just best to stay single right now (Well, for me at least )

AKLGT · Post by **AKLGT** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:12 pm

hey, if you aren't ready, then you just aren't. just cause it looks good on paper, doesn't mean it's the right thing. besides, i firmly believe that if you truly find the "one" person, that you will change your mind. you won't be so scared and you'll be willing to take that risk. besides, you got plenty of time to find her. just don't steal her dress

Fialchar · Post by **Fialchar** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:13 pm

What about her black pumps?