Grown Children return home?

[djkeev]

So, our eldest daughter, aged 30, is happily married and has four (ages 6 - 2, a pair of twins are the 2 yr olds) of our five grandchildren. She is married to a wonderful man we love as we would our own child. He is hard working, conscientiousness and provides the best he can for his family. Due to circumstances beyond his control they were facing a tough situation and we asked them if they would like to come stay with us for up to a year allowing them to save some $$ and be able to move forward without extreme financial difficulty.We have a four bedroom 2 1/2 bath ranch with family room and living room. We cleaned our stuff out of 3 of the bedrooms and gave them a full bath as their own. We also gave them the living room and we share the kitchen, dining and laundry as well as the 1/2 bath. We were amazed at how much crap we had accumulated and filled three rooms with!!! Much packing, much purging and all is well.They are here and I must say all is well thus far. My wife and I determined that we would give as we are able to help and we want to make some good memories during our time together.They gained some financial relief and built in help with child care. (my wife and I both work so it is limited help) We gained a built in dog sitter and the potential for a lot of happy times with 4 young children running about the house!! Sure, door knobs are sticky, you step in things with bare feet that you'd rather not think about, but overall we are quite happy with our decision to share our excess.I'll add that they are not free loading or taking financial advantage of us.We've always wanted dinner to magically appear on the table after a long days work but couldn't afford such luxury and now ......IT DOES magically appear !!!!!! My Son In Law is THRILLED that not only does he now have a garage he's got MY garage (a do it yourselfers dream come true)This situation has made us think about in days gone by how multiple generations would fill a house and work the family farm together. Maybe it wasn't such a bad concept and it may be a shame that we've abandoned such a concept in our modern way of thinking. Yes, there is a stigma of "failure" that society imposes for living with Mom and Dad, but one wonders if there is much to be gained by such a living situation?? Getting to know one's grandparents and have them be part of daily life instead of them being some strange old people who come visit for a few hours or days in the course of a years time has got to be a good thing.Anyone else done anything similar?? Any wisdom to share?? Thoughts??Dave

[Salsa Guy]

If your happy and they are happy it's all good. This is normal in other parts of the world. Sounds like one big happy family to me!

[CAMOGIRL]

I grew up as one of the grandchildren in such a situation, only it wasn't always that great. My grandparents don't usually do something for ANYBODY that they don't expect to be paid back for, to the penny, WITH TAX and INTEREST. This is the only thing that caused stress for us. As a high schooler I had a hand me down Cavalier, it needed new tires, and I was saving for the cheapest ones, because maintenance on the car was my responsibility for getting the car for free. I came home one day off the bus to find my car with 100 apiece tires on, and was expected to pay that back. I guess my advice is for everyone, make sure that the person wants "help" before you go helping. I did gain much from having my own grandparents as babysitters, and there for me all the time, it gave me a stronger sense of family than I see in many people my age. Family tradition was huge for us, and it's something I am trying to organize now in my own family where my husbands family is not so bent around tradition and huge family get togethers. I fear as well that it might be a valuable thing that we are throwing away in the name of success here, as you said.

[jake75]

(1) Maybe grandpa wanted you to have tires that were safe. When I was in my late teen early twenties I survived on retreads - vowed never again. (2) Also, maybe the grandparents were not so well off - they needed to be paid back.

[tpollauf]

Reading this post initially reminded me of a fellow GenViber (a year ago or so) who did a similar thing to a brother & his family and it DIDN'T work out at all. It sounds like your situation is totally different and I admire your generosity to help your loved ones get back on their feet. It's probably a good thing you didn't "downsize" to that small ranch two bedroom house just yet Hope all works out for everyone in your family

[TONY TAT2]

Im glad that it's worken out for all.Our youngest daughter moved out a little over a year ago.Just me & the wife now,Im happy as a clam,the Wife, not so happy.

[vibenvy]

I turned 27 back in April and I still live with my parents. I'm an only child, so it's just the three of us and three dogs. I help my parents out financially (half of every paycheck goes to them) and I do dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. so I don't really feel like a failure. If I were job-less, not contributing financially or otherwise, then I would feel like a failure, but since that's not the case, it doesn't bother me. My parents and I get along great and have a lot of great times together. The Vibe payment takes up a big chunk of my monthly income so there's no way I could afford to live on my own in today's economy.I totally agree about people my age and younger these days not being as concerned with family. It's a real shame.In my opinion, the way the economy is nowadays, it makes more sense for family members to live together. It makes it easier on everyone financially and emotionally. It relieves a lot of stress on everyone not having to worry as much about paying bills when you have someone else pitching in. As long as the child, or other family member, is contributing however they can, whether it be financially, chores, babysitting, etc., I don't see it as freeloading or being a failure, etc. To me it just makes sense. I'd be lost without my parents. Even when I do move out someday, I know I'll still be seeing them all the time .

[Caretaker]

Good for you Dave. It is time people started wising up about many things. If we are to call ourselves enlightened, we need to think long and hard about how we view cohabitation, kindness to strangers, tolerance of other's ideas, marriage, religion, and a whole host of other things. Having one's children live in their home is not a sign of the economy, it is the fact that this country is a very tough one to live in given our obsession with the almighty dollar. To deal with the harsh realities of living in a status driven society, many people turn to alcohol, drugs, and suicide. It is great that you have set the example that family and friends and those with an open mind and heart are the real answer for those who face uncertain times. While I do believe dependents miss out on some great lessons in life by not seeking their own path, I don't think repeated kicks in the *** from life's hard lessons are any substitute for the kindness you are showing your children/grandchildren. And if anyone has forgotten, none of us will be on this planet very much longer. I know your kids/grandkids will remember these days fondly Dave, and carry these memories with them forever.

[djkeev]

Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.It is indeed working out just fine, possibly the worst downside is that my wife is NOT a morning person and needs a cup of coffee and some non verbal early morning time.Invariably there is a preschooler running in and shouting "GRAMMY!!" and then proceeds to babble on about the exciting night he / she had just had! A very MINOR problem indeed!Next week they are off with the other grandparents to Cape Cod for a week. It will be strange being so quiet and calm. Hope my wife and I survive the together time! My Golden Retriever will catch up on some much needed sleep during that week! He went from living with two old farts and sleeping 16 - 20 hours a day to instant activity. It's been awhile now, he needs his rest.Dave

[star_deceiver]

I moved in with my Dad and Stepmom at the beginning of April, made the decision to leave my old life and start over. I was there a little less then 2 months. Paid rent, helped out around the place, annoyed their cats with my 3, and wedged my bike in the garage. The first 2 weeks I just bummed around before I started looking for work. Didn't do too much other then ride the Twinstar to Starbucks! Restarted right where I left off with my career at another sawmill within a week of looking for work and had my time with a lovely 332km round trip commute! Now I'm living but a 15 minute walk to work. I thank them for letting me rent a room in the basement and allowing me to pile my boxes in a corner. Their lawn has healed from the trench the Vibe dug and their 2 cats are re-adjusting to life! Just remember: Don't take anything for granted, karma doesn't look down kindly on the greedy!