ok this is how the fights started

[ramenboy...]

"I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. . . . He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!"So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"And then the fight started."you're turn

[keithvibe]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAThere was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.""No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.""I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[ramenboy...]

haahahahaahwe want more!!!!!! hahahahah

[joatmon]

Osama Bin Laden was being driven to a rendez-vous one night when the car ran over something. The driver got out, looked, came back and said "I just ran over a dog, and it's dead." So Bin laden looks around, sees a light in the window of a nearby house, and tells the driver "The dog probably beongs to the people in that house. Go over and let them know what happened, tell them how sorry I am"So the driver goes over to the house, knocks on the door, they answer, he goes inside, and the door closes. Two hours later, the driver comes staggering back to the car, way drunk, smoking a big cigar, clothes all dishelved. When bin laden asks him what happened the driver tells him "I went over there, told them what hapened, and the father there, he started dancing around singinig. His wife came out from the back, he told her, she started dancing and singing too. The pulled out this big jug of something and kept having me drink some to celebrate. They were so happy, the father even brought out his daughter and had her have (removed) with me. Three times. I finally told them I had to go, so they gave me this cigar and told me how grateful they were."bin laden is astounded that these people would react that way to losing their pet, so he asked him "exactly what di you say to them?"The driver replied, "I said "Hello, I am Osama Bin Laden's driver, and I just killed the dog'"

[Entelodont]

An oldie but a goodie.Clever Scam -- YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL!Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise.Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.Here's how the scam works:Two seriously good-looking, college-age girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping purchases into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, deliberately spraying each other's skimpy T-shirts so the thin fabric clings to their nubile young bodies. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also July 1st and 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, and 28th, three times last Monday, and very likely will again this upcoming weekend.Note: Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.

[keithvibe]

Seeing TreesAs a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

[djkeev]

Remember Balloon Boy from a few weeks back? There was much speculation at the time that Michael Jackson had ordered take out.

[star_deceiver]

Two men are drinking in a bar on the 20th floor of an office building. Suddenly a man at the end of the bar finishes his drink, walks over to the window and jumps out. The two men at the bar rush over just in time to see ther man stop a few feet from the ground, straighten himself out and land softly on his feet then promptly comes back into the building. A few minutes later he walks back into the bar and sits back down, ordering another drink. The first two men look at him thinking to themselves "what the hell!!" And again, he finishes his drink, get's up and heads for the window. The two men follow him and watch him jump again. He falls and right when he's about to hit the ground he stops in mid air, rights himself, and lands softly on his feet, promptly re-entering the building. A few minutes later he's back at the bar ordering another drink.The two men, jaws dropped. They walk over to him and ask "How the hell did you do that???"The man looks at them and says "Oh it's easy! You see, there's a vent on the sidewalk down there. So when you get to the ground the air pressure stops you and straightens you out!"The two men look at each other, finish their drinks, walk over to the window and jump out. The guy watches them as they fall and CRUNCH, they hit the sidewalk! The bartender walks over to the guy and shaking his head says "Superman, you're an a**hole when you're drunk!!!"

[PlatinumVibe08]

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have (removed)?''No,' she answered.I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'And that's when the fight started....

[ramenboy...]

hahaha!!!Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."My loving wife replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"And that's how the fight started.