Destination Weddings

[03VibeOttawa]

Hey GVC’ers, just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or opinions about destination weddings?Detailed personal story (sorry, bear with me); one of my best buddies from university (we’ve been good buds since 2002) is having his wedding in Punta Cana D.R. in January 2010. He asked me in the spring if I would be interested in attending his wedding, and didn’t mention his plans to have it somewhere spendy. I was surprised when the invitation came in the mail saying where it was, and that the price would be over $3,600 for my girlfriend and I to go. I spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of going, and then forked over $500 for the deposit 2 months ago. As I expected, ever since, I have been weighing the investment in good times and continued friendship (stories, memories, etc.) for this expensive one week trip that my g.f and I really have to go out of our way to make budget space for. We both are working entry-level yuppy jobs, recently paid off our university debts, I finally got my car paid off in August, and we have a lot of other expenses while also trying to save up for a first home eventually. Upcoming expenses seem to work their way onto our dinner conversation at least once a week. Even when I’m on Genvibe, I think of the Vibe mods I am putting off while saving for this wedding.My buddy invited a bunch of our mutual friends (all in our mid 20s), some of whom I’ve been talking to, and they are all in very similar situations to me – that is, thinking long and hard about this destination wedding expense. None of us had the gonads to face up and pass up the invite. Yes, I understand no one is forcing me to go, and this is an optional event oppourtunity, but I am still of a mind that it is at least a tad selfish for a couple to mail out invitations asking a group of very unwealthy friends to spend $1,800+each. Since this invite, I’ve declined to attend another wedding in Mexico for a first cousin. I’ve also put out an APB to many of my friends and family members who are entering the engagement phase, that this will be the last destination wedding I attend. Am I crazy to say I would never have the nerve to ask any family or friends to pay that much $ to share a milestone with me? Even if they are freakin’ loaded!Anyone else had to decline a destination wedding? Anyone love or hate em?Thanks for reading,Evan

[Kari]

We had a destination wedding in Gatlinburg, which definitely didn't cost anyone $1800 a person. Our extended families went together and rented large cabins to split the cost on, and it worked out rather well. It was a pleasant long weekend trip for everyone, or at least I haven't found out if it wasn't. Having a really expensive destination wedding then expecting all of your friends and acquaintances to spend the money to come is a bit selfish, IMO. If they want to get married there, they should be doing it with the wedding party and close family, then have a reception at home for the larger crowd.

[djkeev]

Funny thing, as one ages the friends one has from the younger days tends to get fewer and fewer. Sure there are a few left but overall as life happens and pulls us North or South, East and West that we tend to move on and build a new life and new relationships in the present of the future. The Odds are high that in 15 years, you won't even be friends with this person and you will be $3000 + poorer for a faint memory of a person long ago forgotten. Think back to first grade, any of those people still in your life? Didn't think so.If this was a brother, close cousin or a person that you KNEW you would have in your life for the rest of it, go ahead IF you can afford it.I think that destination weddings, while fun and exciting are incredibly selfish. If one truly wants certain people there, they would cough up the dough and pay a good portion of the expenses for them, lodging, food, etc.Stay home, have the balls to say no to this trip you cannot afford and sounds like you don't want to take. If you go you will spend your time resenting spending the cash while you are there, thus sucking the possible fun out of the entire trip.Send a fantastic gift, make plans to get together after the honeymoon and wish them the best. Be honest and speak the truth, "I can't afford to attend your wedding at this time". There is no shame in this at all. It indicates you are a grown up and aren't swayed by peer pressure to conform.I bet if you asked his family, parents brothers, etc. They are most likely miffed by having to shell out the cash to attend. With half or better of all marriages not making it for the duration it amazes me the money people spend on them, even domestic home based ones.Hate to break it to you, but that GF you speak of? May not last.I'm no pessimist, don't misread me. I've been married to or dating the same girl for 39 years, working on 40. We've had a blast and continue to have fun with each other and enjoy the life we created together. We realize that we are the abnormal part of the statistics, teenage lovers lasting a life time. We've watched almost every marriage that began at the time ours did end unexpectedly as the years have gone by. Some have been truly surprising, others we expected. I'm confident we'll make it to the end but you know, life throws out some funny curve balls at times.Good Luck with whatever you decide, just be happy and comfortable with your decision so there won't be any regrets.Dave

[BlueCrush]

We went to a destination Wedding in Jamaica for my wife's sister's wedding. We had to make it work for us to go. As most of the monthly bills takes care of all of my income, the only way we could go is for my wife to pay for it. So she searched for a got a better paying job, double what she made before, thank god. And saved monthly until we could pay it off. We spend a total of $5000 since my wife also put on the shower and bachelorette party(along with her sister's friends and her mom). Amazingly there were 29 people that went from the states. She did have one friend(bridesmaid) that wasn't able to make it because she couldn't afford it. But everyone else was all for it.I would never go to one again. Thankfully, all of our siblings are married. We never spent that much on any other trip we have taken. Florida(Disney), Arizona, Cancun, Ixtapa, Colorado, even the Amazon Rainforest in Peru was cheaper. If a friend wanted me to go to a destination wedding, I would tell then I would have to pass.If the trip is putting a strain on your finances, look for a temporary part-time job (a couple days/night a week) to help pay for it. Then you could stay working at it, if you like it to help save up for your house. Heck even Kevzaz is getting $45 per day delivering Meals-On-Wheels for the less fortunate for 1-1/2 hrs of work. Working 5 days a week could be $900/month. you could feel good about helping others and get paid well for it. WIN-WIN!!! If there are none in your area, try and find something that will get you the most amount of $ for the least amount of time.If you are able to come up with the extra money to pay for it, you will be able to enjoy the trip and not regret it. Good Luck!!!

[star_deceiver]

That's a big expense just for a wedding. I'd rather put that money to better use (House, Car, paying off debt, proper vacation)!

[Sputnik]

My hubby and I never got married (common law we are). Because we never spent on the wedding, now every winter we spend on going south (this year Jamaica mon!). I think if I were in your situation though, I would be hesitant to go. I want to go south on my own terms, not because someone else expects me to go. And I would never get married somewhere where people I love would have trouble getting to.

[ou.grizzly]

You should see how much an actual wedding costs if you consider the hall, dress, cake, linens, limo, band, DJ, center pieces, alcohol, photographer, video, invitations, tux rentals, and etc. Looking at about $25,000 and this does not include a wedding shower. Do no go... Instead send the couple a nice monetary gift instead, they would appreciate that just as much.

[star_deceiver]

A wedding is as cheap or expensive as you make it. Take my wedding:Rings: $500 and $250 (bought earlier)Gas to Vegas: $500 and this was when gas was $4/gal(Route - Hwy 101 and 1 from Washington to San fran, I5 to LA, I15 to Vegas, 95 to Reno, 395 to Mt Shasta, I5 to Salem, I5 to Canada)Hotels/Motels/Wal Marx parking lot: $200, Vegas hotel was paid for with her parents timeshare. We met up with them for the day in San Fran (They were on a cruise at the time)3 days in LA, Disneyland, Six flags, Otep @ Whisky a go-go: $350Wedding in Vegas, Limo, ect: $350Wedding dress: $99 (Bought before we left, she got exactly what she wanted)Rent-a-Tux: $50Fun in Vegas: $100 (mostly booze!!!)Megadeth in Salem: $40We planned this only 2 months before. She did want a big wedding but all her friends were bickering about who was going to be the maid of honor and kept threatening not to come if they didn't all get their way so she said "Screw you guys, we're going to Vegas. Here's where and when it is, come if you can!" 1 of my friends drove down. Everybody else got to watch it online. The reception was held 2 months after we got back, city park rental/insurance was $54. No alcohol kept that price down! About 35 people friend and family showed up.I never understood why some people break the bank for a piece of paper. I realize it's a special day but 2 - 5 years of debt isn't, in my opinion, a good way to start a marriage. But I'm the kind of guy who buys a car without A/C, listens to Metal, gets married in Vegas, ect...so I guess I'm not the best person to give advice on marriage, but it works for me!

[jasony0423]

I'd have to agree with the others. I'd considered a destination wedding, but instead decided it would be selfish of us, and so we got married locally, then went on a cruise for the honeymoon. Nothing like getting married someplace exotic, having a romantic, (removed)-filled honeymoon, and then running into your mom and dad, right? Either way, now I'm 31, divorced, and not still paying for a destination wedding.

[AKLGT]

I'm a big fan of destination weddings, but not for that kinda $$! that's crazy! We had a destination wedding, but it was only 2 hrs from Phil's family but 4000 miles for mine. Luckily, they had an airfare sale at the time, so RT only cost $200 per person for the tickets plus hotel, car and reception. I think my family spent about $1500 total for them, my aunt, hotel, car and the reception, and spending money. My best friend also flew up for the wedding.Last April we flew to Mexico for a friend's destination wedding (they flew in to ours 5 yrs ago) who we met on these forums. It was a great time! Though it wasn't cheap, we used our frequent flyer miles for the tickets and the hotel was all inclusive, all meals, drinks etc was $1100 for both of us. It was a great time, I dont regret the money at all since we wanted to go on vacation.Now our other friends are also going to Mexico for theirs in February some time. We had planned to go, but unsure if we can afford it right now. If things change, we'll certainly make the trip as I know it will be a great time shared with good friends and each other. I think of it as a vacation that you can share with your good friends and family. But $3500 is a lot of money to ask someone else to spend...

[03VibeOttawa]

thanks for the input everyone! You let me know I'm not crazy (well at least on this matter!).