Reflections on depositing my grandparents in a lake

[bodhi_tree777]

So I had the truly surreal experience of spreading my grandparents' ashes in this past weekend. I don't have a particularly tight knit family, and my grandfather specifically was a real beast to everyone for as long as anyone can remember (a real old school hard case with an ugly racist streak and a heck of a sharp tongue). My grandmother died 12 years ago, and grandpa this past January. In accordance with their wishes we spread them together. My whole family came in for the occasion, the first time ever for that.We tried to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing, considering the animosity that the man had spread out among his children and grandchildren for decades. There were few tears, quite a few Lebowski-style jokes about disposing of bodies and not getting ashes in our faces. Lots of terse conversations between siblings who don't get along and really only speak at times like this. I've never spread ashes before, or even seen it done. A few thoughts on the matter.. first, they're heavier than I would have expected, with grandpa being much more weighty than gram. Second, they each had a different consistency. Grandma, cremated well over a decade ago, was (and this is horrible to say, I guess) a little chunkier. Clumpy might be a better word. Whether that's age at work, or a difference in crematory technology from then to now I have no idea. Grandpa was much more powdery. Finally, "spreading" ashes is a bit of a misnomer, as they go in the drink en masse and sink pretty quickly, leaving just a few bubbles and a filmy residue on the surface. Bit of cosmic humor on display as well, because as soon as they were sent off it started to rain. While we were on a boat in the middle of the lake. Grandpa's last laugh, I suppose. The rain was brief, and then we got a nice rainbow out of it, as well as a random plane flying overhead (grandpa was a well-renowned and often published aviation historian and photographer, so that seemed fitting). None of us had a clue what to do with the urns, and it was unanimously decided that we should just sink them as well. One person suggested donating them to goodwill, but that seemed a bit weird. In cleaning out grandpa's house we also found a plastic urn with the remains of his first dog. My dad wasn't keen on including him in the memorial, and later told us he was given "a proper burial". In a dumpster, as it turned out, but that's my dad for you.In the end, the sendoff seemed appropriate and my parents were happy (which is why we were there in the first place). Despite the jokes and careful planning, I did get some of grandma on my leg (thanks a lot, Dad). I brushed it off (literally and figuratively) and tried to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. Definitely a new chapter in our lives, just felt like writing a bit about it. Thanks for reading.

[Sublimewind]

Wow dude, that is both the coolest ever and morbid at the same time... My GF is telling me right now that is also HIGHLY illegal to spread those ashes in the water... lol... (not 100% about that one,though, different states and all)I have a somewhat similar story about my grandma... She passed 2yrs ago now (RIP Granny) and live in NY, well, hr family is all from WV..Well, they decided that she needed to be home, so much of the family (my grandma was the "glue" which is completely gone now) went to WV for the funeral/burial... Lots of family, lots of people with nothing in common... We laid her to rest amongst her family, way up on the side of a mountain...

[KNINE]

Quote, originally posted by Sublimewind »Wow dude, that is both the coolest ever and morbid at the same time... I was thinking the same thing, but wasn't quite sure how to express it. Bodhi, your story sounds like it could have been an episode of Six Feet Under that used to be on HBO. They always mixed a little humor in a dark situation. It sounds like you had a positive experiance overall.

[Caretaker]

It is totally illegal, either in rivers, lakes or the ocean. Spreading the ashes is a misdemeanor in California. Here's an excerpt from the web: More than a few dearly departeds' ashes are floating around the corners of Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, Yankee Stadium and other ballparks. Beaches, favorite rivers and lakes, and local and national parks like Yosemite are standard fare, but spreading ashes at personally meaningful places such as the base of the Washington Monument, off the Stratosphere Tower in Las Vegas, or even outside the Mall of America in Minneapolis is increasingly prevalent. The California Health and Safety Code states it is a misdemeanor violation to scatter human ashes on private property, which includes Disneyland, without written permission (even though the ashes pose no threat to health). Bodhi, if you penname is traceable, I'd delete the post if I were you. For the same reason you were "grossed out" by having the ashes on you, is the same reason that their are laws against "dumping" in public water. Sorry about you loss. Your grandparents now live on inside you, where you are free to remember the good, and delete the rest. Best to you and your family.

[lovemyraffe]

Quote, originally posted by Sublimewind »Wow dude, that is both the coolest ever and morbid at the same time... Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't.

[808 Vibes]

I grew up without grandparents, so I'll always have a bit of a void in my life. You were very lucky to have them in your life, and your own children's life.

[jake75]

Quote, originally posted by Caretaker »It is totally illegal, either in rivers, lakes or the ocean. Spreading the ashes is a misdemeanor in California. Here's an excerpt from the web: More than a few dearly departeds' ashes are floating around the corners of Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, Yankee Stadium and other ballparks. Beaches, favorite rivers and lakes, and local and national parks like Yosemite are standard fare, but spreading ashes at personally meaningful places such as the base of the Washington Monument, off the Stratosphere Tower in Las Vegas, or even outside the Mall of America in Minneapolis is increasingly prevalent. The California Health and Safety Code states it is a misdemeanor violation to scatter human ashes on private property, which includes Disneyland, without written permission (even though the ashes pose no threat to health). Bodhi, if you penname is traceable, I'd delete the post if I were you. For the same reason you were "grossed out" by having the ashes on you, is the same reason that their are laws against "dumping" in public water. Sorry about you loss. Your grandparents now live on inside you, where you are free to remember the good, and delete the rest. Best to you and your family. Unless your name is Kennedy - then I guess you can dump the whole body in the ocean.

[Caretaker]

Unless your name is Kennedy - then I guess you can dump the whole body in the ocean..............fished out and flash frozen by Dahmer!

[djkeev]

There are so few people who really care about dumping ashes about. You'd be hard pressed to find an officer to arrest you for such a thing. The ashes are totally harmless and hurt no one. Many Universities have an official answer of NO if asked but no one is going to stop you if you spread a departed alumnus's ashes on the campus.The spreading of ashes has roughly the same policy of the US Military on Gays, Don't ask, Don't tell.The odds of anyone bothering to trace this post of ashes is very very slim. What State did he do it in? What lake? Are you sure is wasn't just a few lines of fiction he wrote? So few hard facts or provable facts.Nice Story, Dave

[Sublimewind]

......

[jimincalif]

Laws vary, but definitely OK in ocean, how far out depends on local law. Some places require a permit (like that's really gonna make a difference, just kill a tree for paperwork).Realistically however, these are done privately all the time, no permits, no officials, it is just done. I will probably do the same for my in-laws on my boat when the time comes.

[Kari]

There are a lot worse things than ashes in our waterways...