Suicide

[Herb]

I don't know if this is too touchy a subject to discuss here, but I needed an area to express myself regarding this topic.This morning I found out a very good friend ended his life yesterday. From my perspective he had a very enviable life. He's funny, has a great wife, 2 kids any dad I can imagine would be proud of including himself, and a nice home.When I moved to Calgary, he and his wife were always very helpful and helped me acclimate to my new surroundings. I was almost over there every week for "Sunday Dinner" which was a bit of an event for them.About a year and a half ago they moved back to Halifax. We've still kept in contact. In fact they invited me over to stay with them for a week and a half during the summer for my vacation.As recently as last month he came out to visit with me and some friends.Nothing we can figure out could have given us any reason to suspect he was going to end his life.Even this past spring when his brother-in-law found him unconscious in his garage. He just told us he was working on his car and closed the bay door because it was cold and left the side door open before the fumes overcame him. We all thought it was a careless mistake.When his wife found him yesterday in the same situation, she knew it wasn't an accident. And a note on the family computer confirmed this was the second attempt.I'm totally blown away about this. He never appeared depressed with family or friends and was the first to always lift everyone's spirits.I suspect when he came out last month to visit with friends here he was in his own way saying good bye.I'm upset that he couldn't find a way to talk to his family and friends if he was having a rough time.I just don't understand.

[JohnC]

Herb, sorry about your friend and for his family. It always makes the survivors wonder if there was something they missed or could have done to prevent such a tragic thing.Suicide-a permanant solution to a temporary problem.

[ou.grizzly]

Herb,I am sorry to hear about this situation. It is very sad indeed and I am curious if there were any signs of depression or stress. I have found that many people do use humor to hide their true feelings towards the world. What is even worse, he left behind a loving wife and 2 children who thought the world of him. Prayers with him, his family, and yours.

[jimincalif]

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Suicide is hardest on those who were closest. Some people never let on, leaving the survivors confused and feeling guilty. Maybe there was a mental illness that he was not even aware of, unfortunately for his friends and family there will probably never be any adequate explanation.

[808 Vibes]

I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and to his family.

[tribalman]

sadly, depression has many faces. sometimes it can be very visible, and other times a person can hold it inside. it is very hard to live with even if you are seeking counsel and/or on meds. most of the times the people who commit suicide aren't the ones who visibly show they are depressed or talk about it. it's very hard to deal with this situation even if you weren't that close. i've had a few people i've known personally commit and people who were friends of friends commit, both scenarios are tough. the way i deal with depression is no matter how tough it is or it seems to be, there ARE people out there who will have a tougher time emotionally if i am gone, and that is what keeps me going. if you are having troubles, there are many resources you can seek. some people don't know about them. if you feel really bad yourself find a way to release it. forget that macho BS of holding everything inside. your thoughts and concerns are in my mind, be well.

[Wolfman213]

my sister committed suicide 4 and a half yrs ago thre is not a day that goes by that i dont think about her. i know what u r going through. feel free to contact me via pm or email if u would like to talk

[Kevzaz]

Quote, originally posted by ou.grizzly »Herb,I have found that many people do use humor to hide their true feelings towards the world.That would be me... I just came back from a party, I was pretty depressed about a girl. My friends noticed, but they didn't know what was wrong. I said I was just tired and laughed it off.I feel bad about suicide victims though, they must have gone through a very emotional period to go that far. But I guess they are happy now, even though their friends/family may not be. I am sure all of our prayers are out for them.

[ou.grizzly]

Suicide numbers increase during the Winter and certain races such as Asian/Japanese attempt it more often studies have shown. I am not exactly why, but it is thought due to social pressure and expectations.

[bodhi_tree777]

Quote, originally posted by Herb »Nothing we can figure out could have given us any reason to suspect he was going to end his life.You'll wrack your brain for years trying to think back to something you might have picked up on that would've signaled this. Please though, don't beat yourself up for it, because there's not really an answer. Ask me how I know. Sorry to hear of your loss, I tend to think of suicide as a very selfish move pulled off in a fit of childish self-loathing. It's most cruel to the people who love you. I know that's a lousy thing to say, and I know I don't know your friend, but I can't help but think of the hurt his wife and kids are feeling right now

[psiu]

My prayers are with him and his family and friends.Like others have said, there is a good chance of there being something underlying it--as bodhi_tree said it could be childish in nature, but it would seem he was past the "teenager" kind of that thing. I'm grateful I've never had anyone close pursue that option. Again, my prayers are with all involved.

[zionzr2]

I cant even imagine what you and your friends family is going through. I'll pray for you and his family. It is truly a tragic event for anyone to have to deal with.May Peace and Comfort return swiftly to you and his family as well as others dealing with depression this time of year.

[shemp]

I'm very sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to all who loved him.

[Herb]

Thanks for the well wishes. I know I want real answers but I know we'll never have them. If there is any positive to this, his kids are grown and out of the house. Still this will have an impact on them regardless.I'll be flying out for the funeral next week, and maybe more answers.Still hoping this whole mess is a nightmare we can wake up from.

[lovemyraffe]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

[kunkstyle]

Herb, Sorry to hear of your loss. I had a step brother commit suicide when I was a teenager. It's a tough thing to go through. Try not to rack your brain figuring out if there were any signs, I know I sure did, and it didn't help a bit.My thoughts are with you.

[Sublimewind]

Man, my condolences... I'm in a similar but much more mind twisting situation.. I was a twin and my brother was still-born.. I wonder every day, but there is nothing I could ever do..