ballrub's jokes (mature audiences only)

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:19 am

Q: How can you tell you're at a gay picnic? A: The hotdogs all taste like sh*t.

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:20 am

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong?" The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:21 am

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them. The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want." The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, pigeon-toed." The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed." The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents. "Well," explained the Redneck, "she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her."

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:23 am

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle. So far, I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:24 am

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious ... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that." "You want dirty words, cutie pie?... LISTEN UP, D*CKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F*CKING BEER IN YOUR (removed) FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER-F*CKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, A**HOLE?" ...And they lived happily ever after.

Mrizzle05 · Post by **Mrizzle05** » Sat Jun 24, 2006 5:51 am

^^kudos on that one... thats a some funny humor there... its almost true... ... ... Wait i dont wanna get married yet!!!

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:50 am

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed. Aren't older women great ? They really know to solve your mid-life crises....

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:51 am

Senator Hillary Clinton (D, NY) and former Attorney General Janet Reno are having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having (removed) with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he was last." Janet responds, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged [that's politically correct for 'ugly as a mud fence'] does not mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances." Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?" Janet says, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might, tense, and squeeze to break wind as loud and hard as I can." That night, Bill is already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She can hear him start to stir, and knows that he will be wanting some action. She has been saving gas all day long and is ready for him. She tenses up her (removed) cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sound you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, "Janet, is that you?"

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:52 am

The buzzword in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a handsome guy He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail. You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your a**. That's the Governor of California! You like it, but 20 years later your attorney decides you were offended. That's America

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:53 am

When insults had class..... "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:54 am

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula. "F*ck off!" she screams, "Those are for the funeral!"

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:56 am

A very large old building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings, it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When the police arrived, they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important." Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more; they had to know who they found. They called the police and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important." The police said it's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important." "Well, who was it?" "The 1956 National Hide-and-Seek Champion."

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:56 am

Rush Limbaugh walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender points and says, "What's that?" The frog says, "It started out as an an*l cyst."

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:57 am

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of (removed): The 1st kind of (removed) is called Smurf (removed). This kind of (removed) happens when you first meet someone and you both have (removed) until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of (removed) is called Kitchen (removed). This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have (removed) anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of (removed) is called Bedroom (removed). This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your (removed) has gotten routine and you usually have (removed) only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of (removed) is called Hallway (removed). This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you". The 5th kind of (removed) is called Courtroom (removed). This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. The 6th kind is called Religious (removed), which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. And finally, the 7th kind of (removed) - Social Security (removed). You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:58 am

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'"

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:59 am

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 86?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of (removed)?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Then, why do you care?"

MRCN RCE · Post by **MRCN RCE** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:11 pm

bumpin this one for some great jokes i've had a bunch that i was gonna post, but when i searched before i posted, most of em came up in here. curse you, ballrub, for taking all the good jokes and claiming them as your own!!!

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 12:58 am

Well...I haven't posted any new jokes in quite a while...because I think I've already told all of the good ones!I'll have to go on the hunt again for some more good ones that haven't already been told in this thread.

MRCN RCE · Post by **MRCN RCE** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 1:56 am

oh ok, gotcha you should hook us up with an update in the "ballrub is alive" thread

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 2:41 am

ok MRCN RCW...I will post an update in the "ballrub is alive" thread this weekend, since this last year has been another roller-coaster of a ride (I swear, this could be an on-going soap opera or min-series!), but things are on the right track again (but only as of last month).

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:29 am

A man walks in a Bank gets in line and when it was his turn he pulls out a gun ... and robs the Bank!But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses... he turns around and asks the next customer in line: Did you see me Rob this Bank? The customer replies ...YES!The bank robber raises his gun POINTS IT TO HIS HEAD and BANG!!!!!...SHOOTS HIM in THE HEAD AND KILLS HIM!He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man ...DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????The man calmly responds ... No ... But My Wife Did!

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:31 am

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.He whispered back, " I found the remote."

MRCN RCE · Post by **MRCN RCE** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:05 am

^^ LOL

joatmon · Post by **joatmon** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:53 pm

honestly, I didn't go through all 47 pages to find out if this was a repostQuote Â»A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.He said, 'I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.' I noticed the 'What would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:02 am

Quote, originally posted by joatmon Â»honestly, I didn't go through all 47 pages to find out if this was a repostDon't worry...I've probably re-posted quite a few myself, but just look upon this thread as a "resource" for jokes. I'll post some more today, and some of these I bet are reposts too.

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:03 am

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*ckin' red mark on his forehead.

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:06 am

The husband leaned over and asked his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had (removed) together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.''Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.''OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again for old time's sake?''Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds crazy, but good idea!'A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and having a chuckle over what he just heard, thinks to himself; I've got to see if these two old-timers really have (removed). I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious (removed) that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something new about old age life he didn't know before.After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but I was observing you two and that wthat was something else. You must've had a fantastic (removed) life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:07 am

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'.

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:08 am

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:09 am

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.' Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:11 am

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:12 am

My wife left the car unattended for only a minute, but it was long enough for our two-year-old to climb in, throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost. He was fine, but the car wasn't, and I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insurance company. After a pause, the adjuster asked, 'Do you let him drive often?'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:13 am

One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, 'Do you think she'll die?' 'Nope,' a little girl in the back said. 'I saw this last night on Fear Factor.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:14 am

My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone 'Hello,' she whispered. 'Hi, honey. How's your mother?' I asked. 'She's sleeping,' she answered, again in a whisper. 'Did she go to the doctor?' I asked. 'Yes. She got some medicine,' my niece said softly. 'Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?' Again in a soft whisper, she answered, 'Practicing my trumpet.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:16 am

On a brutally humid day, I walked past a miniature golf course and saw a dad following three small children from hole to hole. 'Who's winning?' I shouted. 'I am,' said one kid. 'Me,' said another. 'No, me,' yelled the third. Sweat dripping down his face, the dad gasped, 'Their mother is.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:17 am

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:18 am

Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq ' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:50 am

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, 'That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:52 am

Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson, Jermon, was constantly hungry. I went to my refrigerator to find something he might like to eat. After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. 'Hey, Jermon,' I called out excitedly. He came running into the kitchen. 'Look! I found some chili.' Struggling to be polite, he said, 'If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it.'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:55 am

My last name is a mouthful, so when my three-year-old niece learned to spell it, I was thrilled, until my cousin burst my bubble. 'You can spell Sczygelski any way you like,' he pointed out. 'Who's going to know if it's wrong?'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:58 am

For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygienist, clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grand-mother. When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles and mask. About ten minutes into the procedure, she got scared and cried, 'I want my mommy!' I quickly pulled off my mask and said, 'I am your mommy.' Without hesitating, my daughter yelled back, 'Then I want my granny!'

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 3:05 am

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President. (BUSH)The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those *******s deducted $95 in taxes.

rdnzl · Post by **rdnzl** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:30 am

I am completely confused.I used a word for (removed) and got read the riot act, but this kind of humor is OK on this FAMILY FORUM?What exactly gives?Almost every joke is not family fare and would offend the School Marm.And a guy's name is BALLRUB???????Hmmmmm.....?

ArcsVibe · Post by **ArcsVibe** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:18 pm

Quote, originally posted by rdnzl Â»I am completely confused.I used a word for (removed) and got read the riot act, but this kind of humor is OK on this FAMILY FORUM?What exactly gives?Almost every joke is not family fare and would offend the School Marm.And a guy's name is BALLRUB???????Hmmmmm.....?OK now what exactly is your problem? Seriously???

rdnzl · Post by **rdnzl** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:44 pm

You said it is a family forum and I cannot use the word A**But I find a whole bunch of jokes that might make some truckers blush. I don't get it.

ballrub · Post by **ballrub** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 1:34 am

Quote, originally posted by rdnzl Â»You said it is a family forum and I cannot use the word A**But I find a whole bunch of jokes that might make some truckers blush. I don't get it.I'm assuming it's because this thread is marked "(mature audiences only)" which implies adult language and is a warning to whom ever would be offended by such language. Using the same type of language in a regular thread that is not indicated so is a punishable offense on this site! Just be gald their not hunting you down!!!! LOL...and oh yeah...what's wrong with BALLRUB? Isn't yours short for "red nozzle"? What's that all about? HMMMmmmm...!

rdnzl · Post by **rdnzl** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:59 am

Ther must be at least ONE person who knows what RDNZL relates to. Its definitely not what BALLRUB said.I just got a chuckle out of the whole FAMILY FORUM concept. In fact, I think it's hilarious.

kevera · Post by **kevera** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:43 am

Quote, originally posted by joatmon Â»dude, let it go or go away, I am sick and tired of reading your whining about the rules. Get over it. If you don't like it, don't come back. Lighten up or leave us alone.,Amen Oh....and lay off Ballrub,he's a great guy.

rdnzl · Post by **rdnzl** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:58 am

A cliquey little bunch aren't we?Sounds like a bunch of goody two shoes who like to have it both ways. Rules are rules, and they are obviously meant to be bent to your liking. Cool. I'm down wit dat.I can't say A** because it is such a horrible word but its fine to tell dirty jokes. Most of the people on here seem quite normal, but some of you need to quit taking that GOD thing in your avatar so seriously.rdnzl is a Frank Zappa song. In case anybody was really interested. If not, there it is anyway.

kevera · Post by **kevera** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:06 am

Quote, originally posted by rdnzl Â»A cliquey little bunch aren't we?That's seems about right.It also shows you really don't fit in around here.Just mellow out and go with the flow if you hang around.