funny, some lang. adults only!

[Raivis]

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jabba cake body wash.Rinse conditioner off hair.Shave armpits and legs.Turn off shower.Squeegee off all wet surfaces in showerSpray mold spots with Tilex.Get out of shower.Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN: Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your (removed).Get in the shower.Wash your face.Wash your armpits.Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.Spend majority of time washing privates andWash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.Pee.Rinse off and get out of shower.Partially dry off Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.Admire wiener size in mirror again.Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.Throw wet towel on her pillow.If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day! Oh, and... woo-woo!!!

[Raivis]

Lesson of the Four Worms A Minister decided to do a visual demonstration to emphasize his sermon on Sunday. First, he placed four worms into four separate jars.The first worm he put into a container of alcohol.The second worm he put into a container of cigarette smoke.The third worm he put into a container of chocolate syrupThe fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.At the conclusion of his sermon, the Minister reported the following results:The first worm in alcohol - Dead.The second worm in cigarette smoke - DeadThird worm in chocolate syrup - DeadFourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister looks at the congregation, and asks -What can you learn from this demonstration?Maxine sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand with her answer,"As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"That just pretty much ended the service --

[Raivis]

VERY CUTE -- A CUP OF TEAOne day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the livingroom engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutestthing!!'My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'And sure enough....oh, oh....!!!

[Raivis]

ResimayTo hoomit mae cunsern,I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.I can Typerealee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..I think I am goodon the phone and I no I am a pepole person,Pepole really seam torespondto me well. Certain men and all the ladies.I no myspelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru mypersinalety. My salereryis open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I amwerth,I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yoreanser.hopifuly Yore best aplicant sofarr.Sinseerly,BRYAN PS : Because my resimay isa bit short - below is a pickture of me. Employer'sresponse:Dear Bryan, It's OK honey, we've got spell check. See you Monday.

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