Extreme "Daddy's little girl"

[MACMANIAC]

This would be frightening for a teenage kid to encounter. Hmmm...... maybe I'll keep this. My daughter is only 8 but this is more subtle than showing future perspective beaus my gun collection and special forces memorabilia. 1. NAME _______________________________________________________2.HEIGHT__________________WEIGHT___________IQ______GPA_______3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STATE_______________ZIP_______6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN___________________________________7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________8. DO YOU OWN A VAN ?________________MOTORCYCLE?______________TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____________DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________________________________10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?________________________________________________________11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________________________12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?________________________13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?___________PRIEST?__________14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE._________________________________SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)

[CAN-AWD-VIBE]

I need this... well not now but in about 10 years.Q14 a & b are perfect

[northvibe]

hahhah this is so sweet, im giving it to my parents to print out for my sisters bf.

[BlueCrush]

Hahaha! This reminds me of when I took my wife on our first date. I went to her front door.(Here dad, knowing it was me taking here on our first date, came to the door with his 20 gauge shot gun) He opened the door and said, "What to you want?. What are you selling something? We don't want any?" As he started to close the door I said "NO! I'm here to pick up your daughter." He said, "She has a name do you even know what it is?" He caught me off guard and my mind went blank. Crap! He made me so flustered that I couldn't think of it off the top of my head. He said, "If you can't tell me her name in 2 seconds, I'm slamming this door!" On two, I regained my composure and said her name, "Lisa". He started laughing his (removed) off and said, "Come on in boy, I'm just giving you a hard time." I said, "Ha Ha, real funny, smart guy!" The rest is history. If a father anwered the front door with a shotgun in hand nowaways, he'd probably get arrested.

[new05vibeowner]

A friend of mine gave this to me a few years ago. It will be put to the test in less than six, when my daugher turns 13.DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING Rule One:If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.Rule Two:You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may not glance at her. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three:I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four:I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, (removed) without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate - when it comes to (removed), I am the barrier, and I will kill you.Rule Five:It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early.Rule Six:I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.Rule Seven:As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?Rule Eight:The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are also to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.Rule Nine:Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.Rule Ten:Be afraid, be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come Inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[northvibe]

BC HAHAHAH thats awesome, im sooooo doing that to my daughters bf if i ever have a daughter hahahah...god i would be so scared if that happened to me. funny story later on though

[NascarXprt]

haha thats freaken Funny! ill def. pass this on an use it my self (one of these days)

[GrayFox]

HAHAHA!!! these are great! It's really scary tho that I only have about 12-14 years before my little girl "grows up"A stack of those "applications" will be sitting at my front door when the time comes...