Tech Support

[Sputnik]

I did a search to see if this had been posted before, but found nothing, so my apologies if it actually has and I missed it. Enjoy!Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other "valuable" programs, such as romance 9.9, and installed "undesirable" programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate************************************************************************ Dear Desperate: First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another boyfriend program. These are not supported applications, and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old standby... Lingerie 6.9. Good Luck, Tech Support

[rasermon]

Thats a good one Sputnik. Thanks for the post. BTW, I was a 6.1 last year until I had reconstructive throat surgery done.

[rasermon]

quote:Rich, what did you do to have that surgery done?Chronic snoring and sleep apnoea. I was told at the sleep clinic that I had a condition known as chronic sleep apnoea, which caused me to wake up momentarily (117 times in 7hrs.)Had two surgery's done in 6 mo. now I can get a good sleep and so can my wife.

[Flip-Side]

That cracked me up Sputnik. I have already copied your post and sent it to my wife. She may get too much of a kick out of it. So...what about running Wife 1.0 and Girlfriend 9.2 at once........

[Triton]

Very funny Sputnik! I have seen this before, but it is still a keeper. I am printing it up for my wife.

[NovaResource]

Dear Tech Support:Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!!!!!----------------------------Dear Troubled User:This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints. It is due to a primary misconception generally by male users. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a “Utilities and Entertainment program”. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under “Warnings - Alimony/Child Support.” I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application C:YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding “General Partnership Faults (GPFs).” You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF’s are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return too normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 4.0, and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen. WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

[Triton]

Nice reply Scott!!! I will have to show this one to the wife also!

[Sputnik]

Love it Nova - I was wondering if there was one for the men out there.

[Vibe]

Now that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I'm going to carture it (if you don't mind) and send it to some friends. Thanks for posting. James

[Sputnik]

Sure go ahead... I didn't write it. I got it in my email on Friday.

[joatmon]

another old thread bump A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.""You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist."I do," replies the man. "How did you know?""Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless."The man below says: "You must be in management.""I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?""Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

[gargoyle]

wow! funny, funny stuff!printing it for my wife (1.0) now...

[JustinVGT]

Here's a really funny Flash cartoon about outsourcing tech support. You'll see it on the page 5 toons to the right and 3 down: http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html.

[Mavrik]

I've read that one before somewhere but its a classic and a good one, always cracks me up.

[theangrydwarf1]

I ended up with a corrupt copy of wife 1.0. None of the applications worked properly. Luckly none of the applications like alimony, etc. ran. So now I'm looking for another Girlfriend program.