The Five Questions Most Feared By Men

[Charlievibe]

Too funny not to share. **************************The 5 questions most feared by men are:1. What are you thinking about?2. Do you love me?3. Do I look fat?4. Do you think she is prettier than me?5. What would you do if I died?What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.,tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible Responses.Question # 1: What are you thinking about?The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:a. Baseball.b. Football.c. How fat you are.d. How much prettier she is than you.e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy,who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"Question # 2: Do you love me?The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:a. Oh Yeah, sh*t loads.b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?c. That depends on what you mean by love.d. Does it matter?e. Who, me?Question # 3: Do I look fat?The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:a. Compared to what?b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.c. A little extra weight looks good on you.d. I've seen fatter.e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:a. Yes, but you have a better personalityb. Not prettier, but definitely thinnerc. Not as pretty as you when you were her aged. Define prettye. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question # 5: What would you do if I died?A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and an airplane") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:WOMAN: Would you get married again?MAN: Definitely not!WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?MAN: Of course I do.WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?MAN: Where else would we sleep?WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them withpictures of her?MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handedWOMAN: - - - silence - - -MAN: Oh sh*t. ***************Taken from the following web site: http://www.rock103.com/pages/c....html

[drunkenmaxx]

ah yes, men/women jokes can be fun!MALE PROCEDURE1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Wind down your car window 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt 6. Wind up window 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine 2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine 3. Re-start stalled engine4. Wind down the window5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card 6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror7. Attempt to insert card into machine 8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car 9. Insert card10. Re-insert card the right way up11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page 12. Enter PIN13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN14. Enter amount of cash required15. Re-check make-up in rear view mirror 16. Retrieve cash and receipt 17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and put cash inside18. Place receipt in back of cheque book 19. Re-check make-up again20. Drive forward two metres 21. Reverse back to cash machine22. Retrieve card 23. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided24. Re-check make-up25. Re-start stalled engine and move off26. Drive for 3 - 4 miles27. Release hand brake

[Charlievibe]

Quote, originally posted by drunkenvibe »ah yes, men/women jokes can be fun!MALE PROCEDURE1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Wind down your car window 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt 6. Wind up window 7. Drive off. No wonder my friends say I am a Tomboy.....I do ATM's like you men!!!!

[drunkenmaxx]

Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »No wonder my friends say I am a Tomboy.....I do ATM's like you men!!!! is it that or the fact that you pee standing up?

[Sputnik]

Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »No wonder my friends say I am a Tomboy.....I do ATM's like you men!!!! Yeah so do I! I can't stand getting behind anyone who's not ready to do their business. They shouldn't be there if the card's not ready to go in the machine!

[AKLGT]

(removed)! that is too funny!

[Mavrik]

So funny and so true.

[AKLGT]

what?!? are you saying that's what YOU are really thinking????

[Mavrik]

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe »what?!? are you saying that's what YOU are really thinking???? we're not going to answer that question.