Mercury's throwback Montego makes everything new feel old again

[ragingfish]

Quote »RUMBLE SEATA senior moment*Mercury's throwback Montego makes everything new feel old again. Ho humThe insideIn the driver's seatBy Dan Neil, Times Staff WriterAt a time of general excellence in automotive design and construction, when even cheap cars so easily vault buyer expectations, it is a rare and perverse pleasure to find a car as certifiably doggy as the Mercury Montego.A car whose lack of charisma is so dense no light can escape its surface, the Montego is the Mercury Division's upscale twin to the Ford Five Hundred sedan, though the Montego's version of upscale is of the Korean off-shore casino variety. The faux wood-grain interior trim looks like it came off a prison lunch tray. I've felt better leather upholstery on footballs.But this is not a case of a car nibbled to death by details. Overall, the car has a profoundly geriatric feeling about it, like it was built with a swollen prostate. To drive this car is to feel the icy hand of death upon you, or at least the icy hand of Hertz, because it simply screams rental.On paper, the Montego has much to recommend it, which would be fine if cars were made of paper. A large four-door, five-seat car — cut generously in the seat, you might say — the Montego has an enormous 21-cubic-foot trunk. So right there it has cornered the traveling-carpet-salesman market. Built on a corporate vehicle platform shared with Volvo, the Montego and its blue-badged sibling Five-Hundred are available with all-wheel-drive. Our test car, a premium model with AWD, was equipped with a continuously variable transmission, a type of fuel-saving gearless transmission that optimizes the engine speed for maximum torque during hard acceleration and slips into overdrive when demands lessen. Front-drive models come with a six-speed automatic.The premium package draws heavily from Ford's larder of convenience items, including an eight-way, power-adjustable driver seat and four-way adjustable front-passenger seat (both heated); Xenon headlights; heated outside mirrors; two-position memorized settings for seats, mirrors and the adjustable pedals; and a full suite of power accessories. Missing in action are options for a navigation system and stability control.It's abundant on paper. As a presence in steel and glass, the Montego inflicts a gnawing sense of privation upon the driver. There is no soul to this car, and it's about as sexy as going through your mother's underwear drawer. Except for those who need the oversized trunk to carry their assisted-mobility scooters, few could prefer this car to its Asian rivals such as the Toyota Camry, Honda Accord V6 or Nissan Maxima, never mind the products with upscale badges like Lexus and Acura hovering in the $30,000 range.The trouble lies with the car's engine, a clattery 3.0-liter V6 whose output of 203 horsepower is smothered by the car's two-ton curb weight. Ordinarily, this power-to-weight ratio would not be out of bounds, but Montego's AWD package is bundled with a torque-swallowing CVT transmission, making the car logy from a standing start and cruelly slow in passing situations.This torpor has a soundtrack. When you mash the gas the powertrain moans as if you were raising dear departed Uncle Sal at a séance.The power train's lack of refinement so penetrates the driving experience that it is hard to give the car a fair shake. It is not, after all, a bad-looking car, though I prefer the more understated look of the Five Hundred to that of the Montego, which has a face like Mike Mulligan's steam shovel. The interior design is handsomely spare, balanced and geometric. With its tasteful chrome bezel gauge cluster, the instrument display is spot on; the steering wheel switches (audio and cruise control) are well organized and substantial feeling.But what's the deal with the center stack controls? As I sit here now I cannot think of any designed product that is as awesomely cheap-looking as the audio and climate controls in this car. The stereo controls comprise a big, ugly flank of black plastic with a green LED display in the middle. It reminds me of the ham radio kits I put together in high school. These controls are risible enough in the Ford F-150 pickup, but here, in a "premium" automobile, they are quite unforgivable. Ford owns Volvo and Mazda, two companies that do a fine job with instrumentation design. Can Ford's guys get the notes from somebody in class?The car's cushiony ride comes at the cost of any backbone in the handling department. Significant body roll accumulates in corners, and the car has a front-driver's pushiness. It was hard to feel any handling benefits from the AWD system. The powertrain functions like that of a front-drive car until significant slip occurs at the front wheels. Then a mechanical differential distributes power to the rear wheels. I will have to take Ford's word for it.Over and over, it's a car that fumbles the fundamentals. The seats, for example. They are, first of all, big and flat and unsupportive, so that despite eight ways to adjust it, the driver's seat never gets comfortable. Meanwhile, this car was designed as a kind of sedan qua SUV, offering drivers the high seating position and commanding sightlines of a sport-utility while retaining the virtues of a sedan. If you see one of these in a parking deck you will notice its roof crests a couple inches higher than those of the cars around it.I have my doubts about this SUV-seating idea even in theory. In practice, the seat's raised H point (hip point) puts the driver in an awkwardly elevated position so that you never feel quite like you are sitting in the car so much as sitting on it. The seat itself feels like one of those extra-high hospital toilets. Where is the nurse call button?These cars — the Five Hundred and the Montego — are intended to be mainstream, high-volume products that will supplant the Taurus/Sable twins, which remain in production at the moment. My question: Has Ford ever seen the competition? They are gorillas and these cars are organ-grinder monkeys with little hats. I'm trying to imagine the family-sedan buyer making his way down Glendale's Brand Boulevard, test-driving cars as he goes, and alighting on the Montego. I'm still trying.Ford has had an amazing year. The new Mustang. The Ford GT. Superb redesigns of the Focus and F-150 families. Who would have thought the mid-size sedan project would be so elusive? With all of Ford's global resources, the most valuable of all is its collective judgment. As for the Montego, I don't understand how this lamentable rentable got out of the barn.*2005 Mercury Montego Premier AWDBase price: $28,245Price as tested: $29,490Powertrain: 3.0-liter V6, dual-overhead cams; continuously variable transmission; all-wheel drive with limited-slip front differential and mechanical center differential.Horsepower: 203 at 5,750 rpmTorque: 207 pound-feet at 4,700 rpmCurb weight: 3,930 pounds0-60 mph: 9 secondsWheelbase: 112.9 inchesOverall length: 200.4 inchesEPA mileage: 20 miles per gallon city, 27 highwayFinal thoughts: Hipster-proofAutomotive critic Dan Neilcan be reached at dan.neil@latimes.com.Source: http://www.latimes.com/classif...hway1I honestly believe Mercury's days are numbered...

[kostby]

Maybe the Montego reviewer was just having a bad week??Autoweek gave a positive review to the Montego. In fact, they preferred the Montego over the Ford 500, because it had a higher trim level: "Crazy about the Montego: Mercury version of the Five Hundred worth the extra cash" -->http://www.autoweek.com/articl...00767Mercury exists because Ford wanted to have a price and trim level in between Ford (stark and cheap) and Lincoln (luxurious and expensive) in the past. At a time when new Ford family sedans with rubber floor mats, painted metal dashboards, vinyl seats, and 'dog-dish' hubcaps flew out the door at US$2,500 (Ford 4-dr Custom and Custom 500, circa 1967), paying another 25%-30% ($1,000 bucks or so) for a 'premium' Mercury sedan with carpeting, fake wood-grain trim, cloth seats and full wheel covers, it made sense.Now that even the lowest 'base' domestic family sedans are incredibly well-equipped and priced in the mid-US$20,000 range, there's probably no longer a need for that intermediate price point when you can load-up a Ford almost to the price-point and trim level of a Lincoln.As far as the future of Mercury, I understand that Ford moved the Mercury Design Center (or whatever it's called) BACK to Michigan after moving it to California a few years ago to help them 'discover their soul' or some such nonsense. The California Studio led to such unprecedented, groundbreaking, earth-shaking, clean-sheet-of-paper, new-age designs as the rebadged Ford F-150 "Lincoln Blackwood" pickup truck, the rebadged Ford Explorer "Lincoln Navigator" and rebadged Ford Expedition "Lincoln Aviator" SUV's and the 'high performance' version of Grand Marquis, dubbed the 'Marauder', an attempt to capture the same folks who were buying the RWD Chevy Impala SS of the mid-1990's.If they're serious about designing cars for old farts (like me), they should move the design center to FLORIDA, official homeland of old farts! LOLMercury has long been a repository for 'orphan' vehicles that Mercury salespeople had little or no interest in selling, and the typical Lincoln/Mercury customer (late 50's or older, retired, and with money to spend) and had no interest in buying: The Villager minivan - a joint venture with Nissan (Quest) was probably the most successful in bringing in younger families. Unfortunately, they had nothing else except re-badged Fords and Ford SUV's to offer buyers.Others Mercury orphans include the 2-seater Capri (imported from Australia in the 90's), the Merkur (German word for Mercury) XRS and XR4Ti imported from Germany in the 80's, and the 4-seater Capri (imported from Germany in the 70's). For a while, they called their rebadged Mustang 'Capri', too, when they moved the 'Cougar' nameplate upscale to the rebadged Ford Thunderbird platform.

[ragingfish]

Thanks for that enlightening response!I totally understand the intended product placement of Mercury -- it's kind of the equivalent of Buick when compared to Chevy and Cadillac...And the review did seem a tad heavily-negative...IIRC, this reviewer is notorious for product trashing...That being said, I see fewer and fewer mercury's on the roads...I've talked to dozens of people who say the products are boring, unreliable, and far from worth their money...I wouldn't be saddened to see the brand killed off...the again, I wouldn't be saddened to see all of Ford killed off, but that's just me...

[Stang2Vibe]

Man, that review was so blatently mean that I laughed myself silly! I have to admit that he did put a few good lines in there. I'm not enthusiastic about the Montego either. The Ford Five-Hundred seems only marginally better to me.Quote, originally posted by kostby »As far as the future of Mercury, I understand that Ford moved the Mercury Design Center (or whatever it's called) BACK to Michigan after moving it to California a few years ago to help them 'discover their soul' or some such nonsense. Discover their soul? That must be Ford secret code for "reduce R&D costs". It's no big secret that the cost of doing business in Michigan is generally much less than in California.Say what you will about the cars you mention, but I think that the Lincoln Blackwood was actually really sweet! The new Navigator is great too (my boss has one) and I like the Aviator very much. They might be knock-offs, but they are knock-offs done right.

[Mr. Poopypants]

But how does he really feel. LOL

[drunkenmaxx]

the interior looks early 90sish to me. not very modern.that being said, im sure the old farts will love it.

[ToolGuy]

But this is not a case of a car nibbled to death by details. Overall, the car has a profoundly geriatric feeling about it, like it was built with a swollen prostate. To drive this car is to feel the icy hand of death upon you, or at least the icy hand of Hertz, because it simply screams rental.Loved the above lines...Old people like to drive slow and look fast while doing it! They deserve a nicer car.Boring car, yeah fleet sales will love it. Boring...

[ragingfish]

Seems to me the Montego will accomplish in it's first MY what the Grand Am took a good 10-15 years to accomplish:Becoming more common in rental lots than consumer garages...

[Stang2Vibe]

For the most part, GA's of the 80's and early 90's were unreliable pieces of junk that had less value retention than an old pair of sneakers. They just weren't practical fleet/rental cars until they got much better in the mid-late 90's.