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Here's the deal, my ex-bf keeps sending me e-mails telling me how much he still loves me and cares about me and on and on and on. He will send me these very explicit e-mails thinking, I guess, that I am going to throw everything aside and run to him.Before I ask my question, there are several important facts I think you need to know:1. We dated for four years before I got a job 10-hours away and the two of us decided that we wanted to go seperate ways. We were having a rough time and the closeness just wasn't there anymore. We were merely going through the motions of the relationship. And, we had both decided that we didn't want to marry each other, so we were in agreement all the way.2. He couldn't understand why I got upset with him (while we were still dating) when he played strip poker with three girls and had no plans of telling. One of the girls knew me and told me. I tried explaining to him why I was upset by asking him how he would have felt if I had played strip poker with three guys and didn't tell him. He stood there and informed me he would have been cool with it. Yeah, right.3. He decided to go out with the guys on Valentine's Day and didn't tell me. Honestly, I am open minded enough, and not what my one friends' calls a "cling-on", that if that is what he wanted, cool with me, just tell me - and he knew that.4. He is currently dating another girl while sending me these e-mails. He keeps telling me that if we get back together, she is history.I know the guy is scum and the longer I have been away from him, the more I can see that (there are SO many more happenings that what I have mentioned above). But what I am not understanding is why he can't or won't see that we are done and finished. I have been on my own now for a little over four years and am doing very well for myself.And this isn't the first time in my life this has happened. In HS, when my HS bf went off to the Marines, he dumped me. Well, he got to the camp in San Diego and decided he was lonely or something, so he started sending me letters. I would write him back and tell him that I was dating someone else, I didn't want him to have any expectations. So one day, my phone rings, and it is his mom trying to talk me into dumping my college bf and get back with her son. It didn't happen because I was scared of the guy. Somehow, the Marines messed with his head and he became violent.According to one of my other bf's mothers', I am the type of girl they want in their sons lives. I treat their boys right and get along with the mother. That's great, but when I move on, why can't the guys move on?So I guess my overall question is....why don't some men get it?Sorry to rant, but I just got another one of those explicit e-mails and am just really frustrated. And so you know, I sent him the same response I do everytime I get one..."Please stop sending these. I have moved on and you need to as well."

We are stupid, plain and simple.

ah, see the fact that he can't have you is fueling the fire. the letters will become more and more obsessive as time goes on. the best thing you can do is make a final contact stating you will not contact him anymore, be it e-mail, hand-written, phone call, etc. that is, unless you want him back, which it doesn't sound like you do.if it was me, and i wanted someone so badly, i wouldn't have another gf in the first place.good luck. love sux.

You're going to have to tell him you're not interested, plain and simple. Then if he continues to bother you, contact the police. He'll back off real fast. I knew a girl in high school who went through the same ordeal. I feel for ya and I'm not sure why some guys are like that.

Ok, let me see if I can help here a little. Please forgive the "penalty boxes", it's easiest for me to respond this way.Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »1. We dated for four years before I got a job 10-hours away and the two of us decided that we wanted to go seperate ways. We were having a rough time and the closeness just wasn't there anymore. We were merely going through the motions of the relationship. And, we had both decided that we didn't want to marry each other, so we were in agreement all the way.Ok, your life circumstances changed and the 2 of you were already growing apart. Happens all the time. If a reasonable agreement can't be reached or both partners don't move along in life in the same direction, the relationship ends. As it probably should, for the better for both of you.Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »2. He couldn't understand why I got upset with him (while we were still dating) when he played strip poker with three girls and had no plans of telling. One of the girls knew me and told me. I tried explaining to him why I was upset by asking him how he would have felt if I had played strip poker with three guys and didn't tell him. He stood there and informed me he would have been cool with it. Yeah, right. Let me repeat. . Alright, if this was a drunken one-time thing then I would advocate forgiveness. If this fits into a bigger pattern of similar events (as I suspect it might by your mentioning that there were numerous other events), then if you have any respect for yourself you will dump this guy and should be glad to be able to move on. That's pretty messed up and things like that are likely to continue and even get worse. No sense in trying to spend your life with someone like that.Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »3. He decided to go out with the guys on Valentine's Day and didn't tell me. Honestly, I am open minded enough, and not what my one friends' calls a "cling-on", that if that is what he wanted, cool with me, just tell me - and he knew that.More of the same from the last comment I made. Also, being "open minded" is often the root cause of many problems. It is an open door that invites trouble to walk right in. You should have your limits and things that you personally will and won't stand for. Don't ever be ashamed of them, they are part of who you are and show that you have some self respect. And always make sure that your limits are clearly defined and that there are consequences for crossing them. No exceptions. Being a bit "closed minded" about certain things defines and builds character. It is something that should make you proud of yourself, not something to be ashamed of. Problem these days is that many people have no limits and no shame. Stay away from those people because the all-encompassing cloud of trouble will follow them always.Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »4. He is currently dating another girl while sending me these e-mails. He keeps telling me that if we get back together, she is history.Case in point. He's doing to someone else what he was probably doing to you. You should probably say goodbye and mean it.Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »But what I am not understanding is why he can't or won't see that we are done and finished. I have been on my own now for a little over four years and am doing very well for myself.Yep. You are stronger than he is and he doesn't seem to have your best interests in mind. He won't acknowledge closure simply because he doesn't want to. He probably thinks that he still has a chance at having some kind of fling with you. Continue to say no and mean it. Kudos to you in that regard!Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »So one day, my phone rings, and it is his mom trying to talk me into dumping my college bf and get back with her son.Ok, now that's just wierd. If I ever found out that my mom did that, I'd probably never talk to her again.Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »According to one of my other bf's mothers', I am the type of girl they want in their sons lives. I treat their boys right and get along with the mother. That's great, but when I move on, why can't the guys move on?Well then you're just a good person and sensible people can recognize that. That's a great thing, just make sure that you spend your valuable time and emotions with someone who is deserving of them and will share of themselves in return. Seems you may be a little too tolerant of the B.S. that guys have given you and they think that they can continue to get away with things. The guys won't move on because you have opened the door and let them back after they've behaved badly before. They think that they can beg their way back and you will accept them again. That's why I say to say no and mean it, especially early on into a relationship, when things get inappropriate. That doesn't mean to have no mercy or forgiveness, but excercise great discretion in what you choose to forgive. If the problem at hand has a high probability of happening again, then it probably will. That may seem overly simplistic, but I believe it to be true. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. Maybe you just have to do this a little sooner with some of the guys. If a guy can't or won't respect your limits, then he isn't worth your time.Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »Sorry to rant, but I just got another one of those explicit e-mails and am just really frustrated. And so you know, I sent him the same response I do everytime I get one..."Please stop sending these. I have moved on and you need to as well."I'd say to try this: either stop responding to them or block his email address. If you keep responding with the same kind of response and he continues, then he isn't taking you seriously and thinks that he may still have a chance. You've already said all that you have to say to him, so I'd say to just stop responding.

First off, if these e-mails are explicit and he is obsessing, mabey it should be considered stalking or at least harassment. If you have told him repeatedly to leave you alone, he should. If you know he is just harmless, then just block his e-mails. Most mail software allows this.Lastly, he knows now what he had given up. We like to play the field, and when we don't find anything nearly as good as we gave up, we come running back. Forget him.

Hey, I can totally sympathize about men doing dumb things, like the last guy who I was seeing who posted about the new girl he met on a public forum He's not worth your time. You knew that, you still know that. Tell him where to go. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and courtesy, at the VERY least.You can always change your email address if he won't stop.

Hey, there are nice guys out there that you deserve better than this. I wouldn't fret about it. Just cut him off completely and move on, for good. It is not like you guys were married and had kids, right?

sounds like the actions of an immature person who doesn't understand what it takes to have a meaningful relationship, doesn't have a grasp on the reality of what it really means to have a partner, obviously doesn't comprehend the person that you are. Probably thinks that he can win you back this way, just doesn't get it, isn't taking your denials seriously. Threaten him with police, stalking charges, restraining order, and if he still doesn't back off then go to the police and file the stalking charges and get the restraining order. good luck shaking off the weirdo, be glad you're on the path to lose the ahole.

Dont have any contact with him. Do not reply to his e-mails or block them do not have any type of contact even if its to tell him not to bother you. You reply to his e-mails telling him to leave you alone but it gives him the idea that you are reading them so maybe something he writes will change your mind. If it dosent work restraining orders are helpfull .

Quote, originally posted by noginsk »Hey, there are nice guys out there that you deserve better than this. I wouldn't fret about it. Just cut him off completely and move on, for good. It is not like you guys were married and had kids, right? I agree there are nice guys out "there." Adrienne, I've talked to you numerous times and you're a great person. DON'T reply to his e-mails, he'll go away. That's the reason he keeps bothering you, because he knows that he can't have you! Period. People don't realize what you've have til its gone.... Good Luck. We are all here for you!

hey, sorry i didn't see this earlier...obviously you know this guy's a loser. block his emails. if he keeps harrassing you tell him to quit or you'll file a restraining order. don't let him continue to disrupt your life! that's not fair to you either. and as for the mom thing, hey my ex's mother wanted us to get back together so badly! then after we got married, she did everything she could to make him leave me. obviously he was a momma's boy that i'm glad to be rid of! don't spend any more time on this guy! you've wasted enough of your life on him! and yes, there ARE some great guys out "there." even places you never thought you'd find them! heck, i found a great one, even willing to jump through all kinds of hoops for me just to be together! and believe me, i NEVER would have thought it possible 8 months ago! so don't be discouraged, just keep your eyes open cause you never know who might just "pop" up in your sights! disclaimer: i don't make any claims to know or understand men. i have some good insights from all my dealings w/ ex's, guy friends, brothers, etc., but not really any clue as to what really goes on in their brains! plus, like us women, i think they confuse themselves just as much as we confuse ourselves!

Some guys just don't know a good thing till its gone... in your case there charlie, probably why he keeps trying to get back together with you. And Carrie, the guy who strung you along doesn't even have that other girl now and wants you back right?I stand by my claim.

Hey Charlie,Tell him once and for all that you are not at all interested in him. When he writes back, do not respond to any emails, letters or phone calls. If he still doesn't understand please contact the authorities. This is the case of a classic stalker. If he is dating someone and trying to get you back he has a pattern of doing that and once he gets bored of the relationship with you will try to do the same thing with you.Myself I have always had a hard time understanding guys like that, hey man you F-Up its your fault, deal with it and move on. Charlie I really hope you find what you are looking for, best of luck to you and just to let you know you can always count on your friends here to give you a hand....I can always call a few of my old "business" associates to talk to him and make him an offer he can't refuse

I wanted to thank you all for your kind words and support. Having friends out here like you all is wonderful. I also want to thank you for your open honesty and telling it like it is....yes, he is a scum bag and yes, he will be out of my life.In an interesting turn of events, he phoned my house last night before I got home from work. My mom was there and answered the phone. All she will tell me about the conversation is that he won't be calling me again and he won't be sending me anymore e-mails. What my mom said to him, honestly, I don't care. But I do know she had enough of him as well. My mom is the true essence of a lady and is awesome - I am very thankful to her.And no, to the question above, we didn't have kids, thank goodness.Thank you again for the support.

hah your mom rocks.

Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe » In an interesting turn of events, he phoned my house last night before I got home from work. My mom was there and answered the phone. All she will tell me about the conversation is that he won't be calling me again and he won't be sending me anymore e-mails. What my mom said to him, honestly, I don't care. But I do know she had enough of him as well. My mom is the true essence of a lady and is awesome - I am very thankful to her.(removed)! ha ha ha! ya, when i was going thru everything, the ex made the mistake to call the house and yell at my mom to yell at me! boy, was he sorry. she made sure he never called again! and with the exception of the 2nd day after he told me he wanted the divorce, the next time i heard his voice was at the divorce hearing a yr and half later! not sure what exactly she told him, but he never called back. Moms are great for that sorta thing!

Quote, originally posted by Mr. Poopypants »We are stupid, plain and simple.agreed Quote, originally posted by Charlievibe »I wanted to thank you all for your kind words and support. Having friends out here like you all is wonderful. I also want to thank you for your open honesty and telling it like it is....yes, he is a scum bag and yes, he will be out of my life.In an interesting turn of events, he phoned my house last night before I got home from work. My mom was there and answered the phone. All she will tell me about the conversation is that he won't be calling me again and he won't be sending me anymore e-mails. What my mom said to him, honestly, I don't care. But I do know she had enough of him as well. My mom is the true essence of a lady and is awesome - I am very thankful to her.And no, to the question above, we didn't have kids, thank goodness.Thank you again for the support.Mom's rock!