so, what would you do in this situation?

[AKLGT]

ok, as some of you know, i have a tendancy to try and set people up. so far i've only really had one success with my best guy friend and a good friend.anyways, i set up a good friend of mine with this guy who i thought was pretty decent. good job, good looking, all around nice guy. he assures me that he's a very honest and straightforward guy, one of those one woman only men. so i introduce them and they get to talking. things start to look promising and they meet for the first time. he happens to live some distance away and it's like a day's drive. things seem to go pretty well on their first meet. they keep talking everyday several times a day and throughout the work day online. ok, looks like it's good. but he's afraid of commitment, the relationship is going too fast too soon, nevermind the fact that he is quite happy he's getting in her pants. things progress further and though they haven't really discussed their "relationship" he's not so keen w/ her dating anyone else. they continue to see each other and he drives down almost every other weekend it seems. hangs out with all her friends and they like him for the most part. he seems like a great guy. no reason he wouldn't be right?so he goes on a long vacation and wants to stay with her. ok, well i spose that's fine since afterall they are dating and have been for almost 3 months now. asks if she will see him again before his long vacation is over and he says he'll drive down the next day for 4 days and leave the day before she is scheduled to leave for a trip. ok, still seems to be a good sign, yes? he wants to have dinner with her parents, spend time with them. ok? but he still doesn't want to discuss the "relationship."the 4 days are over and he leaves. tells her he'll miss her and insists she call him to let him know she arrived safely. again, things seem to be going well.after the long weekend, she gets back. only gone 4 days as well. she's cruising online to the various sites and sees a post he has made. curious, she reads the thread. to her surprise, she finds out that he's been dating someone else back home during this entire time they have been seeing each other. not only has he been dating her, he's been persuing her since the time they began to date. so, now not only is my friend very upset that this guy has been banging her on the side and stringing her along for 3 months, he hasn't been honest at all. he's been lying to her face and over the phone the entire time. so, really i'm a little peeved myself. he didn't just lie to her, but to me and all her friends and family. i trusted that he was honest and now i feel lied to as well. and why would he not say something if he wanted to see someone else? that he is interested in another woman, seeing her and make her find out by reading a public forum that he wants to be with some other woman? and that she completely blows his mind and hopes to take it to the "next level." do i have a right to be really pissed at this guy? i mean, i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but i honestly don't see how. and SHE had to ask HIM about it. how long would he have strung her along before he felt it necessary to tell her? the next time he's in town to get some action? i'm really not sure if i should give him an award for best actor or biggest *******! and what should i say to help console her? i'm kinda at a loss with this one. what would you do in this situation? blast this guy to kingdom come? or just not say anything and just let her vent? i feel partly responsible since i'm the one who introduced her.

[Devlop]

I wouldn't consider you responsible, you didn't know he would pull that kind of sh*t. During the course of your life, you're bound to run into an ******* along the way. I know I've ran into my share dating. Things will get better, it only takes time. The only thing I can say is be there for your friend when she does need to vent, the last thing she needs is to have noone to talk to.

[Reynoma]

(Coming from a guy)Rule number one: All guys are pigs. We let the little head do way too much thinking. I think you do have the right to be mad at this guy, but I think it is up to the other girl to rip him a new a$$hole.

[goodvibe]

I'ld also feel a little weird if I set them up but it's not your fault. He lied and told her it would be bad to date another. You can make the little guy happy without lying. She may have put out anyway in a nonexclusive relationship but she should have had the choice.

[Flip-Side]

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe »do i have a right to be really pissed at this guy? i mean, i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubtYes absolutely, and don't. He is a hypocrite by making her be exclusive to him, while he goes and does his own thing. On top of that you know he is a liar, so he doesn't deserve any understanding on your part. P.S. If a guy describes HIMSELF as "honest"....it is usually a dead giveaway that he is not, and especially if it is the first thing they say about themselves. Works same way with women....but I won't go into that.

[Mr. Poopypants]

Quote, originally posted by Reynoma »(Coming from a guy)Rule number one: All guys are pigs. We let the little head do way too much thinking. I think you do have the right to be mad at this guy, but I think it is up to the other girl to rip him a new a$$hole.It can't be said any better than that!

[Mavrik]

OINK OINK...Well not ALL guys are pigs... well correction some control themselves. That guy deserves no understanding, he gives the rest of the guys who try hard to be honest and true a bad name. He deserves what ever he gets and hopefully the girl he has now realises he is an (removed) and he'll be on his own again soon enough without any girls to warm his bed. Someone should talk to her...

[AKLGT]

well, this guy seemed to be such a nice guy. i really liked him, and kinda still think he's an ok guy except for this. i know there are 2 sides to every story. so, i talk to him and say (removed)??? he says it just happened... from the last visit. ok, so in 4 days you find some other girl that you just *wham* connect with. i understand things just "happen" but just told him that he needed to be honest and upfront.he admitted that he really messed up. no way for my friend to even consider it. so i said fine, i will let him discuss things with her and try not to blast him like i really want.so i'll see what happens and hopefully he will be man enough this time to be honest with her.

[Celtic_Curse]

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe »what would you do in this situation? blast this guy to kingdom come? or just not say anything and just let her vent? i feel partly responsible since i'm the one who introduced her.I think the parties involved should deal with it in the manner they choose, break ups are never good one person is always hurt, the people involved are adults, thye need to figure out what the next step is.

[Charlievibe]

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe »so i'll see what happens and hopefully he will be man enough this time to be honest with her.Honestly, he owes her an explanation as to his actions and an apology for hurting her. And she deserves to rip into him. However, if he wouldn't talk about the relationship, then there should not have been any expectations on either end for a committed one-on-one type of relationship. I have noticed that a lot of women who get into a relationship with a guy will stop dating other men, even if the guy says nothing about commitment. And I have seen men who will subtly let the woman know that it doesn't please him if she sees other guys. My advice there is to see other guys until you both agree on a commitment. And if you lose the other person, it was never meant to be.Okay, now that I have said that...I hope she doesn't fall for his propaganda. If he is like guys I have known who have stepped out on the girl they are seeing, he will lay it on thick and expect her to forget all wrongs committed and fall back into his arms. I know, that isn't true of all guys who have stepped out, but the ones I have known have maintained their scumbag ways.And by the way, you are not at all responsible for his actions. You just tried to help a friend out. It could happen to any of us.

[AKLGT]

Quote, originally posted by Celtic_Curse »I think the parties involved should deal with it in the manner they choose, break ups are never good one person is always hurt, the people involved are adults, thye need to figure out what the next step is.very true. i would usually agree that these things are between 2 people and kept in private, but since he did begin with all of it on an open public forum... he made those rules. and yes, the scope of comitment was never really clearly defined other than "i'm not LOOKING for anyone else, but don't really want to commit either and i like how things are going". so, it's not like they were engaged or anything at all. that's not what she (or i) was upset about. it was the way she had to find out and then had to ask HIM about it that is the prob. he knows he messed up there. those parameters should have been made more clear and because it was so vague, there was a lot of confusion. now, it must be clarified and lines drawn/defined etc. there will be no more to their relationship than perhaps a friendship, but that even (if it were me) may be impossible since i could not be friends with someone who i lost my trust in.but like i said, i spoke to him and told him that i will not rip into him for now. let him do what he needs to do to take care of the situation and make it right with her. that's only fair in my eyes. and i can see he's making a true effort to rectify his actions. i'll do my best to call off the jackals, with the exception of one that i can't control, and he can come clean with her.

[Charlievibe]

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe »that's not what she (or i) was upset about. it was the way she had to find out and then had to ask HIM about it that is the prob. I missed that in an early posting..oops. I was so ticked when I read what he did, I think I was blinded. I have words that I would like to share with him myself, but those can't be posted here. All I can say is that I hope everything works out for the best.

[Houston]

I feel bad for both of them. Guys and gals, even though from different planets, behave in much the same way - at least that's been my experience. I've screwed over a few women, while there have been a few who've screwed over me in the same fashion. It frequently works both ways.None of this is your fault. All you did was bring them together. What happened after they met was up to them. It still is.At this point, were I you, I'd stay out of it.

[AKLGT]

ya, very true, houston. just am really mad because i feel he lied to me too. but again, they are both adults, so i'm sure they can come up with a solution or end it entirely.

[drunkenmaxx]

"you can plan a pretty picinic, but you can't predict the weather" - Outkasti say it's not your fault. sure, you set it up, but in all honesty, thought it would work. how were you to know?FYI - guy friends aren't always truthful to their friends that are girls. he could have been a total pig all along.

[VibeChick]

Quote, originally posted by trdvibe »ya, very true, houston. just am really mad because i feel he lied to me too. but again, they are both adults, so i'm sure they can come up with a solution or end it entirely.Ah Hope, I know you feel bad. It's not your fault at all though. Who knew he'd act like such an idiot. I think you feel worse about this than I do. I think I'm about done venting now. It was a stupid inconsiderate, pansy (removed), a**hole thing to do. As a result, he's lost some friends. His loss for being such a dumbass. But, it's a chance you have to take when you're playing the dating game And yeah, how do you accept someone's apology or be friends when they didn't care enough about you to be upfront and honest in the first place. I still don't think he would have said anything about this other girl if I hadn't called him on it

[AKLGT]

ya. very true. well, any case. i called truce w/ the guy. i'll let the jackal do the blasting. LOLanyways, glad that my friend is doing well and much better than yesterday!

[dsegundo]

I agree w/ Phil. Not all of us are like that jerk. it's so wrong. Just be her friend...I'm amazed about that guy. gives us all a bad name.Desi

[DjDoubleLP]

Is it just me or does almost every guy that has responded to this make it seem like they have never made a relationship mistake before??We all make mistakes....some bigger then others. Yes it is hard to forgive sometimes.....trust me.....been on the receiving end of those and on the giving end also. I have made my share of mistakes and I regret them.....if I could change them I would.But what we have to remember is that the two of them need the time to figure this out and see if a friendship is viable out of all of this. And if not....then that is the way it goes and life will go on.

[AKLGT]

everyone makes mistakes. but things were not handled like they should have been. and i'd find it hard to believe that he just miraculously found this woman in 3 days.... if he wasn't looking subconsciously in the first place. i meet many people every day. some i think are nice and i think wow! but then i know that i have someone i love very much that i could not replace. and if things did go south, i'd break it off first. i've been thru the pain of a very hurtful divorce. it's not easy to have it dragged on without knowing. how can you build any relationship without trust?? once that trust is broken, you will probably never fully regain it. i just hope all parties involved learn a valuable lesson from all this. maybe some day she will forgive him or even be friends. but very doubtful since his words mean nothing now. he broke the trust.

[AKLGT]

(removed)! ha ha hah a!!!!!!

[DjDoubleLP]

I know that it is hard to trust again.....if ever.....but it does not mean that they can not try.