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We had an old friend of mine show up on our doorstep last Friday, and he had just left his wife of fifteen years, and two kids, and was looking for a place to sleep.It turns out that he has been playing cards (not Poker) and chatting online and ended up "falling in love" (is that really possible online?) with one of his internet "girlfriends".He and his wife grew apart, (jobs, kids, money etc) and stopped communicating, but he found other communication and apparently an emotional connection online.We talked for most of the weekend, he did come to his senses, and we haven't seen him for a couple of days, so it seems we did our human thing and helped. Is this a common thing, (wrecking the marriage that is) and has anyone had any experiences, good or bad, with this?I see this as a great way to communicate with like minded people, but I don't understand the whole leaving-my-wife for an electronic friend thing.I'm not trying to slam anyone, just looking for enlightenment.

I can VERY easily see falling for someone online. I know, myself, that I'd be more nervous to meet someone in person--too worried about everything I say, do, how I look, etc. But online, I can just be MYSELF. I can talk much much more freely and easily this way, therefore getting to know people better. I can't speak for leaving the wife, etc. I suppose meeting someone on line and being attracted, thinking, "hey, she/he is the one for me...this is FUN, not WORK, like my regular life is". That seems a bit premature to just leave your whole life in order to be with this person that in all reality, you probably don't know well at ALL. I hope he does some serious thinking before he really throws everything away for something that may or may not be the best thing that ever happened to him!

There HAS to have been more to it than just finding someone online. Your friend and his wife obviously have other issues that drove him to the point of even responding to electronic conversations.Maybe I'm not as good a friend as you, but I probably would have slapped my friend around a couple times. First, for leaving his family. Second, for showing up unnanounced at my home.

Quote, originally posted by ZubenElGenubi » I probably would have slapped my friend around a couple times. First, for leaving his family. Second, for showing up unnanounced at my home. yea gotta agree with that. work your problems out instead of running from them.

My wife and I met on yahoo personals way back when they were free. Let me just say people can be deceiving. Once you meet and start "dating" for real, you can only blame yourelf after that. But don't expect everything to be as it seems if you meet for the first time after talking for a while first. It is very possible to find the right person there though.As far as leaving your family goes, it doesn't matter if you find someone else or not, if you're not happy you're not happy.

I was thinking what several others have already said, you have got to be so very careful about people on line, they can be deceiving. Your friend needs to go home, talk to his wife and see if there really is anything there to save. If he isn't happy then the odds are neither is she. And, for all he knows, maybe she has met someone on line as well?!?! As for the deceiving part, I had to share...A friend of mine met this guy on line and he was awesome. He even got to know all of us through chatting online, we all thought he was great. So we gave her our blessings and sent her out on a date with him. He was a real gentleman and picked her up from my place, was so nice and everything. The next time we saw her she was in ICU, he had raped and sodimized her and then beat her almost to death. He was an online preditor who figured out exactly what to say to sound perfect and then when he got the girls (she wasn't his first victim), no need to say more. And yes, he is in prison serving 25-to-life. So tell your friend to be careful what he wishes for, he just might get it!!!

@ ZubenElGenubi: The thought of slapping him and telling him to go home and work it out crossed my mind first, but, a friend in need....Wifey and I didn't sugar coat anything, and continually told him that he was wasn't being fair to his wife and kids, and re-iterated what his wife told him: "You are going to lose your best friend, and your family, for someone who may not be who she says she is".I told him he was an idiot, and related to him our trials and tribulations with work, kids etc.We survived, its been 18 years now.@ CharlievibeThat is truly horrifying. Prison is no place for a piece of $hit like that. Just kill him.

Well, Atomic? What's the next chapter in this saga? Did he wise up and talk to his wife before running off with this person he doesn't even know?

OK, here's how it went:Friday night we suggested that he take his kids out for lunch on Saturday.He called and asked if they wanted to do that, they said sure.He was going through computer withdrawal, and went online to talk to his girlfriend and tell her that he had made the big leap.She replied that he should be sure that he wants to do this for HIMSELF.While he's chatting, his son comes onto the site, and the girl leaves, and he is talking just to his kid.His son asks him "Dad, why are you doing this?. Mom is upstairs crying."He's bummed (and rightfully so).He goes to the house Saturday, his 15 year old son said he had changed his mind, and just wanted to play computer games all day, so he took his daughter out to for lunch and a walk through the mall.It hit him as he was walking with her, that there would be no more of this kind of thing, and he came back to the house and said what an a$$hole he was, and how could he be so stupid.He talked to his wife on Saturday, and was invited back for dinner and a movie for Sunday night.He went online on Saturday night, talked to his "girlfriend". By the end of the discussion, he found out that she had "found" another guy, and now as far as he was concerned, it was over.He slept at our house on Sunday night, then left for work on Monday and we didn't hear from him until I called his house on Wednesday, and he was there.He and his wife came by to pick up his clothes and stuff that night.He didn't seem his usual happy self, as long as his wife was there (you could feel the tension in the air), she and I talked briefly while he was gathering his stuff, she has lost faith in the relationship, and that it probably wasn't going to work out. I suggested just take some time, and see how things go.So, he's at home, probably trying to adjust, but he is with his family.He converted to Roman Catholic for her before they were married, he was SO in love with her.I don't recall anything in the human manual about everything being wonderful all the time; If you have the support of friends and family you can survive almost anything.I sincerely hope they can make it work. They've done counselling in the past, but it sure didn't seem to work.Of all of my friends, there is only us and one other couple still married long-term.

Quote, originally posted by Atomic »I don't recall anything in the human manual about everything being wonderful all the time.I missed that page too.

Quote, originally posted by scherry2 »I missed that page too. There is a page for that? Well hopefully everything gets back on track but we really never know what someone is going through. What could bring a married man with kids and a wife to consider leaving his wife for an online girl? Obviously "she" online was giving him what he needed or thought he needed. I think the main issue is what was he doing looking for a girlfriend... thats the problem... not the fact she was there. I don't believe she's at fault here. But keep us up to date. We gotta be here for our friends regardless of if we agree with what they are doing or not.