No matter the weather I had to be in to work, and for someone who had crippling driving anxiety driving into work was a chore. Everything changed driving Fen. I gained confidence, and while driving is still a chore I am not terrified. I learned about every little strange sound, bump, and buzz and fixed what I could when I could. I watched videos to learn how to do things on my own. I didn't know how to repair a loose bumper edge until I accidentally pulled a little too far forward onto a curb. Blower motor? Had no idea how to do that until Fen needed his diagnosed.

And well, I did my best to keep him clean. But work is many miles away, and at the end of a dark and lonely dirt road. Baths were at the end of every work week, but come that Monday Fen was just dirty all over again.
This past Thursday Fen got into a head on collision with a Versa. I don't even remember much from the accident, and I had no idea we had been hit. I just barely remember the light being green, my husband taking off and then suddenly a boom and everything being briefly red just after the airbags deployed. Someone approached us and urged us out of the car because Fen was smoking dangerously. I did as I was told, and tumbled out of the passenger seat and joined my husband where he stood. Seeing my Husband okay and coherent, I turned around and said, "Oh my god, my car."
Fen was totaled. Sitting mangled and broken in the middle of an intersection that by all means should have been a passenger side impact. By some strange reason the Versa hit us head on while we were in the middle of a left turn. I had a brief hope that it wasn't as bad as it had looked the night of the accident, but the pictures taken at the lot says it all.

I feel silly for having an emotional attachment to a tool, but you only get one first car. That one was Fenris. So in the company of hopefully some other folks who understand, I say goodbye to my buddy.