Damaged 2009 GT rear bumper ...

[tpollauf]

Well where do I begin ....... Got a phone call the other day from Junior stating that he was involved in a minor fender-bender. Told me that they exchanged personal information and was going to deal with details later. I said "OK" and proceeded with my day. When I met up with him later that evening I saw the damage and then I also saw the "limited" information that he got from the girl who hit him (was her fault). This is where parenting skills (or lack thereof) come into play. According to Junior, I never trained him as to what to do during emergencies, accidents, or other unplanned circumstances. Well maybe he's right and maybe not. Common sense kicks in with most people when push comes to shove.

Anyways he didn't lie to me about getting personal info BUT he also didn't tell me how little info he got. Apparently he only got this chicks FIRST name and a cell number .......... That's it He easily took & sent me pics of his Vibe but nothing on the other car. He also quickly screwed the ripped section of bumper into the plastic base so it wouldn't flop around while driving and did this to her car also. Still he couldn't tell me the make of the car at all. No license plate, no proof of insurance (because she doesn't have any I presume) and no proof of a valid drivers license. At this point she doesn't even exist! He attempted to contact her to get insurance info and to no surprise, she has not returned any calls.

As a parent and the legal owner of my son's Vibe, I am holding him responsible for repairs and it will all come out of his pocket ... not mine. A new GT bumper skin is $375, then the clips & the paint. My labor is free obviously. When all is said & done it will be a $450 to $500 repair that this mystery chic should have to pay for. I've had way too many of my vehicles hit or damaged by uninsured drivers over the past 35 years to where I have absolutely no mercy on them at all. If I were at this site and found out she was uninsured, I would probably would have slashed all of her tires and left her stranded and drove off.

Sorry for a long post but I needed to vent. Am I being fair to Junior or being too hard on him. Comments are always welcomed

[treesleavedents]

Teacher here. Personally I don't think holding him financially responsible is too harsh at all, as long as there isn't any negative bashing of his ineptitude to go along with it. It's a simple matter of admit your mistake and fix it, that's the only way we learn. In this case his mistake was not getting enough information or taking enough pictures (of her car). He has readily admitted his mistake and will now fix this mistake by paying for it. I'd be willing to bet that as long as it's left as a mistake that he can and will correct, he won't make the same mistake twice.

However, if you berate and belittle him for being an idiot or speak about it in a condescending manner, his defense mechanisms will kick in and he will shift blame to you for not teaching him. This can become a very self-destructive habit and is INCREDIBLY hard to break. I teach in a very poor area and we struggle with this daily due to poor home life situations for the majority of our 7th and 8th graders.

As for whether or not it's common sense to get all information and take a ton of pictures. I know that I was taught in drivers ed to get insurance information as well as copy down their drivers license information. But try to consider that going into shock might have played a role in limiting Jr's cognitive abilities.

My father made a checklist of things to do in case of an accident that is located with my insurance information. It includes directions to get insurance and license info, plus make model and license plate # along with pictures. Maybe it would be a good idea to have a checklist in Jr's car with his insurance info?

Either way I'm glad no one was hurt and that the vibe can be fixed easily.

[tpollauf]

Thanks for the words of wisdom and reassurance. My original questions about her information got me a loud response "OK so I f'd up" .... then I pretty much dropped it from there. I then yelled at him for using such language in front of his father. This was the first time he's EVER swore in front of me so that tells me how upset with himself he is. He will be making attempts to reach her and I will discuss the options to fixing the bumper. I will be stressing a "sooner than later" time frame as I hate looking at the damage as a reminder of the incident. I'll keep all posted here on the progress

[treesleavedents]

you sound like an awesome dad, keep it up.

[vibrologist]

You are absolutely fair to Junior. He is getting a lesson by the best teacher there is: Mr. Consequence.

[vibenvy]

Well, that certainly hurts to see, but glad it was only minor and no one was injured. I think the checklist idea is a great one! I also think you handled the situation perfectly by making Jr. pay for the repairs. Hopefully the repair is relatively quick and painless for you and the Vibe.