Homer to Lisa: "Never Help Anyone"

[Caretaker]

One of my favorite lines from the Little Lisa Slurry episode has become reality AGAIN for me and has resulted in a double shot to the groin. Shot #1: my wife gives our 2003 Vibe to her nephew. Although I was (barely) consulted on this, I very reluctantly agreed at the time two years ago. The Vibe at the time was burning oil at a good clip, undoubtedly fouling the catalytic converter, the OEM radio was useless, we were going to need a new set of tires, and we felt it was time for a new car, hence the HET. We gave the car away with no conditions, but as time went by, I retired early and the child unit continued to grow. This year I began my search for another low cost Vibe or Fit for our new driver. We sent a note to the nephew (who now has a real job to drive to thanks to our old Vibe) to inquire if he intended to buy a new(er) car in the near future, and if so, we'd love to have the Vibe back for our new driver. He just responded this morning that he sold the car a few months back. Now I know that the car was given to him without conditions, but if it were me, and my aunt/uncle gave me a used car, they would be the first people I would call if I was considering getting rid of it. I would never think of profiting from their generosity above/beyond the privilege of having a car for free. So, shot #2: obviously the car was worth money when we gave it away and I feel like I was just robbed. Since the nephew lives on the other side of the country, I'm guessing there is little chance that he will show up here honking as he pulls up the driveway showing off his new car subsidized by my Vibe; that would be shot #3. Homer: "Caretaker, let that be a lesson to you; never help anyone."

C. Montgomery Burns: "EXCELLENT"
Nelson Muntz: " Ha, Ha"

[mac99d]

That blows...sounds like a punk move, but that's family for you.

[PlatinumVibe08]

Caretaker,

First and foremost, no conditions means just that. To take the behavior presented by others so personally is counterproductive and frankly, unhealthy. You have no idea what thought processes were used by your nephew to make the decisions he made regarding his Vibe, and in reality, it absolutely does not matter.

I think it's normal for people to consider how they would handle a situation and then question the thinking of others when the behaviors don't mesh. Such is life. I hope someday you will realize the true joy in helping someone "without conditions." That old saying, "it's better to give than receive" is so true.

I hope you can stop letting the actions of others cast a negative shadow over your health and well being. Stress is a killer and getting upset over the fact that your nephew sold his Vibe to get another car is stress you certainly do not need.

I realize this reply is rather preachy and non-therapeutic. I am not a therapist. I'm just a good old boy who through life experience and maturity has realized that life is way too short to let petty non-issues cause undo stress and heartache. Someone once told me, "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

Take a deep breath and think about how you helped someone who needed help at the time. You and your wife did a good thing. Be proud of that.

PlatinumVibe08

[Vulcan05]

Did you tie a string to the Vibe when you gave it away? NO?

Then it isn't (and hasn't been for 4 years) YOUR Vibe.

[joatmon]

Seemed like anytime I gave or sold a car or computer to anyone I know, they expected me to provide permanent tech support for it. So I wouldn't have given the car to anyone I knew in the first place.

On the bright side, I was able to pick up a decent 03 Vibe for a few grand, and got rid of my 03 that was also ' burning oil at a good clip", had already failed it's second cat converter, and needed a new clutch, and while the one I got did have a few issues to be resolved, they were quite minor in comparison to the problems I got rid of with the old one. So I think the idea of getting another Vibe is a good one, you should do that, get one that doesn't have those awful issues the old one did. Be glad that one is gone, assuming you care about the child unit be glad you have this opportunity to provide it with a better one than the one you were coerced into giving to the relative.

Since your wife made you give it to the relative, make her pay for the new one. (good luck with that )

While you and I might think that consulting the donor before selling the car would be a common courtesy, we know that common courtesy, like common sense, isn't really all that common.

What's an HET?

[808 Vibes]

I'm sorry. I know too well the feeling of family sacrifices and good deeds going unappreciated.

[Caretaker]

Thanks Joatmon and 808.

HET = Hyundai Elantra Touring

[tpollauf]

I totally agree with your philosophy Jim and if this young man (nephew of yours) was raised with better ethics, he would have "thanked you" and offered to return the Vibe to you. I know nothing of his background or family upbringing BUT I was not raised that way and appreciate everything that has ever benefited me & then some. Now that I'm well past that adolescent phase in my life, I am becoming MORE generous with my time, ideas, and sometimes my $$$. It is very rewarding to see the reaction of those who benefit from such acts of kindness. I carefully choose just who I help out and who I donate to. Any signs of a spoiled rotten (fill in the blank) and I turn my head the other way. This would, and has, included family members. It's too bad but I have standards and I stick to them. You were merely "venting" and making a point to us fellow GenVibers to be careful with whom we decide to help out. No stress detected here and I doubt your blood pressure got raised either! Thanks for sharing this story with us

[09vGT]

Caretaker,

First and foremost, no conditions means just that. To take the behavior presented by others so personally is counterproductive and frankly, unhealthy. You have no idea what thought processes were used by your nephew to make the decisions he made regarding his Vibe, and in reality, it absolutely does not matter.

I think it's normal for people to consider how they would handle a situation and then question the thinking of others when the behaviors don't mesh. Such is life. I hope someday you will realize the true joy in helping someone "without conditions." That old saying, "it's better to give than receive" is so true.

I hope you can stop letting the actions of others cast a negative shadow over your health and well being. Stress is a killer and getting upset over the fact that your nephew sold his Vibe to get another car is stress you certainly do not need.

I realize this reply is rather preachy and non-therapeutic. I am not a therapist. I'm just a good old boy who through life experience and maturity has realized that life is way too short to let petty non-issues cause undo stress and heartache. Someone once told me, "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

Take a deep breath and think about how you helped someone who needed help at the time. You and your wife did a good thing. Be proud of that.

PlatinumVibe08

I second this. If you wanted the Vibe back, or even thought you might want it back, then you should have said so before giving it to him. This way, it'd be more of a loan rather than an outright gift. When I receive a gift, like on Christmas, I'm not expecting on giving it back. It sounds like it would be more of an issue between you and your wife, since you were barely consulted; not you and your nephew.

Thorough communication should always be exercised when "gifting" something of a great(er) monetary value.

[thebarber]

i sold our second vibe to my aunt who needed a car. i told her if she ever wants to get rid of it or if it dies, id might want to buy it back off of her, so give me a call

im sorry, you gave what sounds like a piece of crap to your nephew who lives on the other side of the country. why would he even concieve that you'd want it back?

[beemerphile1]

You gave the car away with no conditions. You have no claim to the car and no reason to feel slighted in the least.

Not wanting to insult any Native Americans, but have you heard the term, "Indian giver"?

[Mazzy21]

meh ~shrug~ as far as giving the car to him, if I did something like that on such a big ticket item I'd feel a bit slighted by the trade-in too. As far as "giving" the car goes, I'd consider it "giving" as in, you can drive it anywhere, have it as long as you want it, if you wreck it so be it, etc, etc, BUT if you trade it in - thereby actually getting money for it (in addition to the "gift" of getting it in the first place) THEN I think it's jsut poor form not to have contacted the person who gave you such a high ticket item and not at least ask if they mind if you trade it in. Only because we aren't talking about $100 here. Even for an '03 vehicle he probably got a Grand or so for the trade in. Maybe a Grand isn't much to some people but in my world that's enough money that you should think twice before just assuming that cash should just be yours for the taking just because a family member helped you out and gave you wheelz when you had none. My grandparents gave me my first car; my grandma's old Ford LTD, lol, but when I turned 18 and bought my 'real' first car I certainly didn't take my grandma's old car and trade it in for my own profit. Gift or not, that was her car that she gave me because I was young, needed a car, and wasn't going to make enough slinging burgers at McDs to buy my own; not so that I could take it a couple years later and get cash out of it when I actually could afford to buy something myself. It just seems 'untoward' to me to do something like that without even consulting the person who gave it to you, "gift" or not.

[JerBear]

My thoughts are never let anyone have something that you not ready to part with (completely). I'm not sure I would have given it to him but sold it to him for some nominal amount (500) what a car that runs but needs lots of work is worth, then you mentally write-off any attachment to it.

I have not given any car away to my children, I have sold them cars at a GREAT price but they bought it. Worked for me but maybe not for everyone's situation.

[robtco99]

It sounded like the car needed quite a bit of work, so he obviously had to put some money into it, probably at least $1500.

I sold a family member a car dirt cheap because they fell on hard times and didn't have anything to drive. They sold it a couple weeks later for 3x what I sold it to them for.... never again will I cut anyone a deal on a car.